I wish there was some way I could know how I was actually perceived by others. I have my own images of myself in my head but they come with attached impressions and memories of positive or negative things that were said to me. I wish I was able to just look at myself without having all of that in my head and just really see myself as I appear to other people. I just would kind of like to know how I'm doing...like am I cool? Am I funny? Am I unappealing? Am I ugly? Am I beautiful? Am I scary-looking? Am I screwing it all up and looking and acting like a big freak? Am I ridiculed behind my back? Am I respected? Am I liked? Am I a big joke? Am I completely wrong about everything I like or dislike about myself?
I know it's not politically correct to reveal that you actually care what other people think of you, but please...everyone does, to some extent. I'm not saying I'm going to jump off a bridge if someone doesn't like the way I am, but I'd just like to know what I'm actually working with here. I guess I'm just looking for a little self-awareness.
So anyway, things are going well at Casa de NoPo. Boxes are getting unpacked, laundry is getting done, and actually we're keeping things pretty clean compared to our last house, though our dogs have managed to pee or poop on the carpet approximately 15 times since we moved, no small feat considering there's only one room of the house with carpet in it. Don't worry, we've got super industrial-strength carpet cleaner, so it doesn't get all gross. I guess they're just stressed about moving...they don't normally do this. But anyway, that's just part of having pets, cleaning up after them.
Work is...work. I'm no longer actively looking for a new job. Funnily enough (to quote a friend), a lot of the issues I had with this job stopped being issues when my coworker Doug left. He sat in the cube behind me and had kind of a shitty attitude, so it was really hard to not be in a bad mood when I was at my desk. Anyway, I'm going to stick around here for a while...at least for the commute. It's ridiculously short. I can't believe I can leave work and actually get home within a half hour...that's just freaky to me. Now T has a longer commute than I do, which is just weird. I can't help but feel a tiny bit smug when she complains about it...like "that's right beeyotch! I did that shit for 9 years...enjoy!" But of course I would never say that....out loud ;)
I had a one on one meeting with my boss last week and he basically said that if I want to be a manager I needed to stop being so loud, abrasive and sarcastic. He didn't say it exactly like that, but that was the gist. We also talked about whether this was really what I want to be doing with my life, and even though my mind was screaming HELL NO, I still told him, "of course!" like a damn sucker. I'm really glad we had that conversation though, because it got me thinking about what I actually DO want to do with my life, and I realized it is NOT tech support and it is NOT management. So I'm going to stay here and keep working and making my paycheck, and in the mean time I'm going to go back to school part time and try to figure everything out.
The Portland Art Mart is coming up in July, and I haven't made any new pieces in at least a month. All of my equipment and supplies are all packed up still and I don't really have anywhere in the new house that is set up for me to work. I have a nagging fear that July is going to get here and I'm going to have nothing to sell. That's on TOP of the fear that I will set up my little table and either nobody will buy anything or they will find my jewelry so abhorrent that they pelt me with eggs or tomatoes or something. I have an active imagination. This will be the first time I really have to stand behind my art in public. I had a website where I sold my jewelry until the end of last year, but I was able to separate myself, to some degree, from what was going on online. To me, it's so much more of a ballsy assertion to sit down at a table laid with things I created and expect people to walk up and give me their money. Honestly, I'm not sure I have the guts to go through with it. We'll see.
More as it happens...
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Thursday, March 1, 2007
The one where I am perhaps not so ept
Holy crap I am never moving again! First of all it took us days and days to pack up all of our crap, then the movers came on Monday and we spent all day Tuesday going back and forth to the house with more loads of stuff. The house we moved into is smaller than the one we were in and right now it is stuffed to the gills with boxes of our things. The shitty part about moving is that you don't know where ANYTHING is and it takes 20 extra steps to do things that should be simple like brushing your teeth or taking a shower. On top of that, our washer and dryer aren't fully hooked up and operational yet, and we only have a small, dwindling pile of clean clothes to wear in the meantime.
I actually tried connecting the washer and dryer yesterday, but it wasn't exactly the walk in the park I was expecting. First I almost burned the house down while attaching a different power cord to the back of the dryer to fit our house's old timey electrical dryer outlet. The connections were a little loose and the two live wires touched each other when I was moving the unit into place. There was a loud pop and a flash, and when I opened it back up the entire panel was scorched and black. It scared the CRAP out of me because I was bending over and my head was right next to the panel when it happened. You can't fuck around with electricity, man. That shit will fuck you up! So anyway, upon further inspection I realized that the part that holds the screw in and holds the two metal parts together had actually fallen down into the bowels of the dryer (damn old appliances!) and would never be seen again. The simplest way I could think of to make the whole thing work was to tape it up, so I went down to the neighborhood Walgreens and bought some electrical tape. I wrapped the two components together and made sure there was tape in between the two live wires so they wouldn't touch again. I got the stupid MF-ing dryer duct attached (man, I hate those things) and finally got the whole business shoved into place. When I tried to turn the dryer on, of course it didn't work because the circuit breaker had tripped when the wires crossed. Naturally, there were about 15 boxes piled between me and the breaker panel, so 20 minutes later I was able to flip the breaker and FINALLY, the dryer worked like a champ! I was very excited and pleased with myself so I figured, "what the hey, I'll hook up the washer too since I'm so handy and all!" Sigh...
So I connected the washer hoses and turned on one of the little spigots...water sprayed EVERYWHERE...not even out of the actual hose connection but out of the freaking handle I was turning to get the water turned on. It was like an episode of that show Home Improvement, except this was so not funny. I got the water turned back off, tightened the connection, then tried to turn it on just a teeny tiny little bit. That seemed to work okay, but I think it is going to take a long time to fill the washer with just that little trickle. I tried to turn on the other tap and the same thing happened with the spraying everywhere. I tried my super-clever "just turn it on a little bit" trick, but it just didn't work. No matter how little I turned on the tap, water still sprayed from somewhere. So I moved the washer out a little so I could get behind it and the drain hose popped off of the back of the washer! Apparently there was still water in it from the old house, because it gushed out and spilled all over the floor. Those of you who know and love me can probably guess the next thing I said. So I got a towel, sopped up the mess, and vowed to let T handle the washer hookup like I was going to in the first place.
We still don't have curtains on our front window, so all of our neighbors could watch us watch TV if they really wanted to (I'm guessing they don't, though it is pretty entertaining to watch us get all excited when someone we like does well on american idol. There are high fives, people!). It's kind of creepy knowing that the neighbors can see in, plus since the dogs can see everyone on the street outside they bark practically nonstop. So curtains are becoming more and more of a priority. We have the curtains and hardware, I just haven't gotten around to it yet, what with the simultaneous fire-starting and house-flooding efforts going on in the laundry area. Maybe this weekend...
I've been interviewing for new jobs lately and I actually had a second interview for a management position last week, but I don't think I got it. First of all I think I kind of came off a little awkward in the interview, secondly I was looking at the jobs on craigslist yesterday and found that they had reposted their ad for the job which would seem odd if they were planning to hire me. I almost wish they had just hired someone else so it would be about how much more qualified they were and not about how unqualified I am. It's very disappointing to have gone back for a second interview and have them basically find that you are so far away from what they are looking for that they have to go all the way back to the drawing board and repost their ad. I didn't really care all that much about working at that company, I just wanted them to offer me the job so I would have something to leverage at my current job and maybe get a raise or something.
I just got a call from T...she fixed the whole washer thing. Apparently the gushing and spraying is a normal thing until the line repressurizes itself. Smarty pants. I hope she doesn't mind living with Tim the f-ing Tool Man Taylor, cuz she's stuck with me :)
More soon.
I actually tried connecting the washer and dryer yesterday, but it wasn't exactly the walk in the park I was expecting. First I almost burned the house down while attaching a different power cord to the back of the dryer to fit our house's old timey electrical dryer outlet. The connections were a little loose and the two live wires touched each other when I was moving the unit into place. There was a loud pop and a flash, and when I opened it back up the entire panel was scorched and black. It scared the CRAP out of me because I was bending over and my head was right next to the panel when it happened. You can't fuck around with electricity, man. That shit will fuck you up! So anyway, upon further inspection I realized that the part that holds the screw in and holds the two metal parts together had actually fallen down into the bowels of the dryer (damn old appliances!) and would never be seen again. The simplest way I could think of to make the whole thing work was to tape it up, so I went down to the neighborhood Walgreens and bought some electrical tape. I wrapped the two components together and made sure there was tape in between the two live wires so they wouldn't touch again. I got the stupid MF-ing dryer duct attached (man, I hate those things) and finally got the whole business shoved into place. When I tried to turn the dryer on, of course it didn't work because the circuit breaker had tripped when the wires crossed. Naturally, there were about 15 boxes piled between me and the breaker panel, so 20 minutes later I was able to flip the breaker and FINALLY, the dryer worked like a champ! I was very excited and pleased with myself so I figured, "what the hey, I'll hook up the washer too since I'm so handy and all!" Sigh...
So I connected the washer hoses and turned on one of the little spigots...water sprayed EVERYWHERE...not even out of the actual hose connection but out of the freaking handle I was turning to get the water turned on. It was like an episode of that show Home Improvement, except this was so not funny. I got the water turned back off, tightened the connection, then tried to turn it on just a teeny tiny little bit. That seemed to work okay, but I think it is going to take a long time to fill the washer with just that little trickle. I tried to turn on the other tap and the same thing happened with the spraying everywhere. I tried my super-clever "just turn it on a little bit" trick, but it just didn't work. No matter how little I turned on the tap, water still sprayed from somewhere. So I moved the washer out a little so I could get behind it and the drain hose popped off of the back of the washer! Apparently there was still water in it from the old house, because it gushed out and spilled all over the floor. Those of you who know and love me can probably guess the next thing I said. So I got a towel, sopped up the mess, and vowed to let T handle the washer hookup like I was going to in the first place.
We still don't have curtains on our front window, so all of our neighbors could watch us watch TV if they really wanted to (I'm guessing they don't, though it is pretty entertaining to watch us get all excited when someone we like does well on american idol. There are high fives, people!). It's kind of creepy knowing that the neighbors can see in, plus since the dogs can see everyone on the street outside they bark practically nonstop. So curtains are becoming more and more of a priority. We have the curtains and hardware, I just haven't gotten around to it yet, what with the simultaneous fire-starting and house-flooding efforts going on in the laundry area. Maybe this weekend...
I've been interviewing for new jobs lately and I actually had a second interview for a management position last week, but I don't think I got it. First of all I think I kind of came off a little awkward in the interview, secondly I was looking at the jobs on craigslist yesterday and found that they had reposted their ad for the job which would seem odd if they were planning to hire me. I almost wish they had just hired someone else so it would be about how much more qualified they were and not about how unqualified I am. It's very disappointing to have gone back for a second interview and have them basically find that you are so far away from what they are looking for that they have to go all the way back to the drawing board and repost their ad. I didn't really care all that much about working at that company, I just wanted them to offer me the job so I would have something to leverage at my current job and maybe get a raise or something.
I just got a call from T...she fixed the whole washer thing. Apparently the gushing and spraying is a normal thing until the line repressurizes itself. Smarty pants. I hope she doesn't mind living with Tim the f-ing Tool Man Taylor, cuz she's stuck with me :)
More soon.
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