I was reading a friend's blog the other day when I was inspired by a list of goals he had written for himself. I have a lot of long and short term goals just floating around in my head but it's hard sometimes to really get a handle on what I'm trying to do with my life. Anyway, writing them down was really helpful in that regard. Here's what I want to do, in no particular order:
-Travel more
-Be more open to new social situations
-Use my bike as actual transportation
-Make a difference in the fat rights movement
-Make peace with solitude
-Enjoy my life
There are other things, I suppose, but this seems like plenty to focus on for now.
Have a good weekend!
xo
Friday, June 27, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Ebb
Well, I feel better today. Not back to 100% okay yet but for now the sadness has receded a bit. When I started to feel better yesterday, the first thing I felt was panic because if I'm feeling better then it obviously wasn't a big deal and I was just overreacting and being a big baby about the whole thing, right? So I felt horribly exposed and embarrassed and I wanted to race right home and delete my entry or put up some kind of mea culpa that explained how sorry I was for being so overly dramatic. Luckily I was nowhere near a computer at the time so I was forced to think about it further before taking any action. Upon further thought, I realized maybe I feel better because I didn't try to pretend it wasn't happening. Maybe by accepting that I was feeling so terrible and expressing it, I made it less powerful somehow. Anyway, whatever the cause, I feel better. Thanks to everybody for your support and comments.
xo
xo
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
I'm fine
I have been having an epic couple of days. There's nothing I can really point to as a cause or an inciting incident, but regardless, I have been feeling incredibly lousy. Everything is continuing as normal. I'm still going to work, still going to class, still taking unimaginative self-portraits and posting them on the internet. The big difference is that I feel like the invisible skin of okayness that was holding me together is now gone and at any moment I may collapse into a puddle of random parts on the floor.
I went to the movies at the Living Room Theaters again last night. Saw The Counterfeiters because I figured a holocaust movie must be enough to jar me out of my personal funk. It was, for a moment, and then I stepped outside the theater and the world came rushing back in. I stood at the Max stop by myself and wept for around fifteen minutes, a really ugly cry, an abundance of snot, while I waited for the train. I found myself hoping to not be noticed while at the same time wishing the world would send me a caring (non creepy) stranger who would give me a hug and remind me that everything will be okay.
I managed to get myself home without attracting much attention, then I had another good cry in the basement (but not too loud, because it was after 10, you see). This one lasted a good half an hour. Finally, emotionally and physically exhausted, I put on my little cat pajamas and crawled into bed. I really hoped it would be the sort of thing where I would wake up feeling better, but no, not really. With the skin of okayness gone, my soft emotional underbelly is entirely exposed and I am not holding up very well. Again, still going to work, still going to class...just with this oppressive feeling of sadness pushing down on me.
I feel conflicted about actually posting this because we're not really supposed to talk about these things, not in polite company. I've had several calls today where the callers asked me how I am and I'm pretty sure they would be thrown if I told them I am so incredibly sad I could just cry right now. They just want to hear that I'm fine. But the truth is the truth, and I am not fine. And I am angry at my life for turning out in such a way that there is nobody around to notice.
Later: Say what you will about how horrible cigarettes are (and I will not disagree with you), but I just had one and I feel a million times better. It makes me wonder whether it's the nicotine (or the assorted poisons involved) or if it's just the meditative action of inhaling and exhaling deliberately and slowly. Of course there's a price to be paid. Now I smell bad and I have a funny taste in my mouth. But I feel better, and that's got to be worth something.
I went to the movies at the Living Room Theaters again last night. Saw The Counterfeiters because I figured a holocaust movie must be enough to jar me out of my personal funk. It was, for a moment, and then I stepped outside the theater and the world came rushing back in. I stood at the Max stop by myself and wept for around fifteen minutes, a really ugly cry, an abundance of snot, while I waited for the train. I found myself hoping to not be noticed while at the same time wishing the world would send me a caring (non creepy) stranger who would give me a hug and remind me that everything will be okay.
I managed to get myself home without attracting much attention, then I had another good cry in the basement (but not too loud, because it was after 10, you see). This one lasted a good half an hour. Finally, emotionally and physically exhausted, I put on my little cat pajamas and crawled into bed. I really hoped it would be the sort of thing where I would wake up feeling better, but no, not really. With the skin of okayness gone, my soft emotional underbelly is entirely exposed and I am not holding up very well. Again, still going to work, still going to class...just with this oppressive feeling of sadness pushing down on me.
I feel conflicted about actually posting this because we're not really supposed to talk about these things, not in polite company. I've had several calls today where the callers asked me how I am and I'm pretty sure they would be thrown if I told them I am so incredibly sad I could just cry right now. They just want to hear that I'm fine. But the truth is the truth, and I am not fine. And I am angry at my life for turning out in such a way that there is nobody around to notice.
Later: Say what you will about how horrible cigarettes are (and I will not disagree with you), but I just had one and I feel a million times better. It makes me wonder whether it's the nicotine (or the assorted poisons involved) or if it's just the meditative action of inhaling and exhaling deliberately and slowly. Of course there's a price to be paid. Now I smell bad and I have a funny taste in my mouth. But I feel better, and that's got to be worth something.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Recap
On my last trip to Chicago, I learned that I could survive taking a trip by myself. This time, I learned that I could actually enjoy it. I flew out on Friday afternoon and didn't reach Chicago until after 10PM. I had decided to stay at the Chicago hostel instead of a hotel to save some cash, and I have to say, I was totally impressed with the hostel amenities. Here's the scoop: you pay approximately $30 a night. The room is dorm-style with five sets of bunk beds and a shared bathroom down the hall. There is a lounge with pool tables, ping pong, wifi internet and a tv lounge with dvd player where you can watch a movie. There's a shared kitchen with dishes, microwaves and community fridges (you have to wash your own dishes when you're done, which was fine). Breakfast is free every morning, including coffee, cereal, muffins, toast, juice, fruit, etc. Also, you get all sorts of discounts at local attractions by showing your hostel key card.
So it was a pretty awesome deal. Sharing a room and bathroom came with the usual inconveniences, but it really wasn't a big deal (there was this one lady in a bed near me who kept screaming 'help! help!' in her sleep, but it was more funny than anything). The whole thing reminded me of living in the dorm in college and honestly, it was kind of fun!
So I got in after 10PM Chicago time on Friday, got to the hostel, checked in, and I was starving! Luckily I had arranged to meet two of my online friends, also COFRA members, also staying at the hostel, and they had some leftover deep dish pizza. Oh hell yeah! Even reheated, I could see what all the fuss was about. The cheese was about half an inch thick....awesome. So I ate, we chatted a bit, then we all went to bed so we could get up bright and early for the first day of the think tank.
Saturday morning we all had breakfast at the hostel and made our way around the corner to the Harold Washington Library Center. The turnout for this third think tank was a little underwhelming which was frustrating, but we still had a good group and got some good brainstorming done and had a great workshop. (There's also the question of putting the cart before the horse, because we are just in the beginning stages right now, just now working on getting nonprofit status, figuring out how our organization is going to work, what sorts of things we are going to do. Maybe it's better that we do all this planning with a small, dedicated group of individuals and push to add more members when we have more of a structure in place. Of course I didn't think of this on Saturday. On Saturday I was just bummed that I had come all the way to Chicago and local folks who said they were going to show up just didn't.)
We all had dinner together Saturday night at Flat Top Grill, a build your own stir-fry kind of place. I got a zipcar to drive us from the hostel to the restaurant, so that was fun (though if I'm being honest it's a little expensive for everyday use). During dinner, one of the other folks came up with the idea of going to a karaoke place where you can rent your own room and don't have to sing in front of anybody but the folks you came with, which turned out to be a super fun time. We sang a whole bunch of stuff, including Neil Diamond, Usher, Outkast, Janis Joplin, The Beatles, Toni Braxton, etc. Incredible, the variety of song lyrics that decide to take up residence in your memory whether you like it or not. We went back to the hostel, exhausted, and crashed for the night.
I was on my own for Sunday morning because the library didn't open until 1pm so we weren't going to meet until then. I had read about Lou Mitchell's on a bulletin board at the hostel so I googled it for more info, then I got on a bus and took myself out to breakfast. There was a huge line outside the restaurant but it moved fairly quickly and soon I was seated with a menu. I ordered two scrambled eggs with cheese, bacon, and a pancake. When my breakfast arrived it was much more food than I expected (there's no way that was just two eggs) so sadly, I couldn't finish it all. It was all great though, especially the pancake. I would go back just for a stack of those. I didn't even think about whether or not they take credit cards until the end of the meal (they don't, cash only) but luckily they had an ATM in the lobby so I didn't have to wash dishes. :)
I took the bus back to the library and waited outside with the rest of COFRA for it to open, then we got back down to business. We had another workshop and then more planning, and we got some things good and nailed down for next time. Despite the low turnout, both days were very effective and I feel much more positive than I did before the trip about our future as an organization.
When we were done, I had the whole evening to myself so I decided to do dinner and a movie. I walked over to the thai restaurant next to the Travelodge I had stayed at last time and had some really incredible red curry beef. Afterwards, I hopped on a bus again and went to the local multiplex where I saw Get Smart (not bad, though there were some pretty gratuitous fat jokes). On my ride back to the hostel, a gentleman on the bus attempted to 'get to know me better' so apparently it's not just a Portland thing. I am some kind of hot commodity to the bus riders of the world. Interesting. Also kind of creepy. Anyway, I got back to the hostel without any further incident and once I was finally able to turn my brain off, I went to sleep.
My flight back was fairly uneventful. I got here around 11 Monday morning, exhausted. It took me a while to get from the airport to home since I hadn't arranged anyone to pick me up and just took Trimet. Yeah, I don't think I'll do that again. I was sooo tired and felt yucky from the plan and all I wanted was to get home so I could take a nap. Anyway, I finally got there with just enough time to nap a little then take a shower before I had to get on the bus to go to my first graphic design class. I had to get on the bus at 4:03PM to get to a 5:30Pm class. That is messed up.
Class was pretty straightforward, though there were more than a few moments where I felt a panicky "what the hell am I doing here" kind of feeling. I think that's probably pretty normal...probably not a premonition about how much I'm going to suck in the graphic design field....probably.
we'll see.
:)
xo!
So it was a pretty awesome deal. Sharing a room and bathroom came with the usual inconveniences, but it really wasn't a big deal (there was this one lady in a bed near me who kept screaming 'help! help!' in her sleep, but it was more funny than anything). The whole thing reminded me of living in the dorm in college and honestly, it was kind of fun!
So I got in after 10PM Chicago time on Friday, got to the hostel, checked in, and I was starving! Luckily I had arranged to meet two of my online friends, also COFRA members, also staying at the hostel, and they had some leftover deep dish pizza. Oh hell yeah! Even reheated, I could see what all the fuss was about. The cheese was about half an inch thick....awesome. So I ate, we chatted a bit, then we all went to bed so we could get up bright and early for the first day of the think tank.
Saturday morning we all had breakfast at the hostel and made our way around the corner to the Harold Washington Library Center. The turnout for this third think tank was a little underwhelming which was frustrating, but we still had a good group and got some good brainstorming done and had a great workshop. (There's also the question of putting the cart before the horse, because we are just in the beginning stages right now, just now working on getting nonprofit status, figuring out how our organization is going to work, what sorts of things we are going to do. Maybe it's better that we do all this planning with a small, dedicated group of individuals and push to add more members when we have more of a structure in place. Of course I didn't think of this on Saturday. On Saturday I was just bummed that I had come all the way to Chicago and local folks who said they were going to show up just didn't.)
We all had dinner together Saturday night at Flat Top Grill, a build your own stir-fry kind of place. I got a zipcar to drive us from the hostel to the restaurant, so that was fun (though if I'm being honest it's a little expensive for everyday use). During dinner, one of the other folks came up with the idea of going to a karaoke place where you can rent your own room and don't have to sing in front of anybody but the folks you came with, which turned out to be a super fun time. We sang a whole bunch of stuff, including Neil Diamond, Usher, Outkast, Janis Joplin, The Beatles, Toni Braxton, etc. Incredible, the variety of song lyrics that decide to take up residence in your memory whether you like it or not. We went back to the hostel, exhausted, and crashed for the night.
I was on my own for Sunday morning because the library didn't open until 1pm so we weren't going to meet until then. I had read about Lou Mitchell's on a bulletin board at the hostel so I googled it for more info, then I got on a bus and took myself out to breakfast. There was a huge line outside the restaurant but it moved fairly quickly and soon I was seated with a menu. I ordered two scrambled eggs with cheese, bacon, and a pancake. When my breakfast arrived it was much more food than I expected (there's no way that was just two eggs) so sadly, I couldn't finish it all. It was all great though, especially the pancake. I would go back just for a stack of those. I didn't even think about whether or not they take credit cards until the end of the meal (they don't, cash only) but luckily they had an ATM in the lobby so I didn't have to wash dishes. :)
I took the bus back to the library and waited outside with the rest of COFRA for it to open, then we got back down to business. We had another workshop and then more planning, and we got some things good and nailed down for next time. Despite the low turnout, both days were very effective and I feel much more positive than I did before the trip about our future as an organization.
When we were done, I had the whole evening to myself so I decided to do dinner and a movie. I walked over to the thai restaurant next to the Travelodge I had stayed at last time and had some really incredible red curry beef. Afterwards, I hopped on a bus again and went to the local multiplex where I saw Get Smart (not bad, though there were some pretty gratuitous fat jokes). On my ride back to the hostel, a gentleman on the bus attempted to 'get to know me better' so apparently it's not just a Portland thing. I am some kind of hot commodity to the bus riders of the world. Interesting. Also kind of creepy. Anyway, I got back to the hostel without any further incident and once I was finally able to turn my brain off, I went to sleep.
My flight back was fairly uneventful. I got here around 11 Monday morning, exhausted. It took me a while to get from the airport to home since I hadn't arranged anyone to pick me up and just took Trimet. Yeah, I don't think I'll do that again. I was sooo tired and felt yucky from the plan and all I wanted was to get home so I could take a nap. Anyway, I finally got there with just enough time to nap a little then take a shower before I had to get on the bus to go to my first graphic design class. I had to get on the bus at 4:03PM to get to a 5:30Pm class. That is messed up.
Class was pretty straightforward, though there were more than a few moments where I felt a panicky "what the hell am I doing here" kind of feeling. I think that's probably pretty normal...probably not a premonition about how much I'm going to suck in the graphic design field....probably.
we'll see.
:)
xo!
Friday, June 20, 2008
Chicago, part deux
In a few hours I'm gonna get on a plane to Chicago for the next COFRA think tank. I'm terribly excited! This is what's so awesome about the second time you do something scary or outside of your comfort zone...you already know for the most part what to expect so it's a lot less scary and a lot more comfortable. I'm not even bringing a bunch of luggage this time. I've got my stuff whittled down to what will fit in my backpack. No laptop, no CPAP, no extra crap. Just enough clothing to get me through the weekend comfortably (and fashionably, of course), toothbrush, books, etc. It's nice to not be lugging a lot of crap, and I'll bet it makes the flight easier too.
I'm staying in a hostel this time around, which is another thing I've never done before. I'm sure it will have its advantages (cheaper) and disadvantages (shared bathroom), but all I really need is a place to crash for a couple of days, so no big deal. Some people I met at the last think tank are staying there too, so it will be nice to see some friendly and familiar faces.
The day that I come back I have my first graphic design class, so that will be a new adventure. I really have no idea what it will be like, if I will enjoy it, if I will do well or if I will fail spectacularly. I'm very interested to find out.
That's all for now. For those of you who are able to keep planes in the air with your mind (W, I'm looking at you), please try to focus your energy skyward between 4:40 and 8:40 PM tonight so I can get to Chicago safely. Thanks so much!
xo
I'm staying in a hostel this time around, which is another thing I've never done before. I'm sure it will have its advantages (cheaper) and disadvantages (shared bathroom), but all I really need is a place to crash for a couple of days, so no big deal. Some people I met at the last think tank are staying there too, so it will be nice to see some friendly and familiar faces.
The day that I come back I have my first graphic design class, so that will be a new adventure. I really have no idea what it will be like, if I will enjoy it, if I will do well or if I will fail spectacularly. I'm very interested to find out.
That's all for now. For those of you who are able to keep planes in the air with your mind (W, I'm looking at you), please try to focus your energy skyward between 4:40 and 8:40 PM tonight so I can get to Chicago safely. Thanks so much!
xo
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
A new project!
I have been tossing this idea around in my head for a while and it is just now coming to fruition so I figured it was time to share. I have been doing the 365 days project on Flickr for several months now and if you look at my set of self-portraits, it will become clear rather quickly that I tend to only take pictures of my face. I've been thinking about this and it occurred to me that I do that because my face is the part I am most familiar with. I see it in the mirror every day. I experience my face largely the same way that everyone else does. The rest of my body, however, is a different story.
I know my belly and my thighs and my arms and my feet from how they look from a very specific perspective, looking at them from my own eyes. Sure, I have seen myself in a full length mirror before, but the amount of time spent looking at and familiarizing myself with my body is far outweighed by the time spent looking at my face. Anyway, I think that many of us go through life being unfamiliar with our bodies. We see photos that others have taken of us and there is a disconnect because the person in the photo doesn't look how we thought we looked at all. It's clear, then, that an important step towards body love and acceptance is to become familiar with our body parts, especially the ones we aren't so fond of.
To that end, I have started a new Flickr project, called Love My Parts. The idea is for everyone out there to pick a part of your body that you're not entirely familiar with or that maybe you don't like so well and take its portrait. Be creative. Get several shots from different angles or with different lighting. Show your whole body with this one part highlighted or just show the part by itself. My hope is that in the course of this portrait-taking and evaluation we will all become more familiar with and more able to recognize the beauty in these parts of ourselves.
Click here to go to the group and join! I got us started off with some lovely belly photos.
xo!
I know my belly and my thighs and my arms and my feet from how they look from a very specific perspective, looking at them from my own eyes. Sure, I have seen myself in a full length mirror before, but the amount of time spent looking at and familiarizing myself with my body is far outweighed by the time spent looking at my face. Anyway, I think that many of us go through life being unfamiliar with our bodies. We see photos that others have taken of us and there is a disconnect because the person in the photo doesn't look how we thought we looked at all. It's clear, then, that an important step towards body love and acceptance is to become familiar with our body parts, especially the ones we aren't so fond of.
To that end, I have started a new Flickr project, called Love My Parts. The idea is for everyone out there to pick a part of your body that you're not entirely familiar with or that maybe you don't like so well and take its portrait. Be creative. Get several shots from different angles or with different lighting. Show your whole body with this one part highlighted or just show the part by itself. My hope is that in the course of this portrait-taking and evaluation we will all become more familiar with and more able to recognize the beauty in these parts of ourselves.
Click here to go to the group and join! I got us started off with some lovely belly photos.
xo!
Monday, June 16, 2008
The scoop on camping
Okay, so here are the photos from my camping trip: http://www.flickr.com/photos/carriep/sets/72157605649099946/
On the whole I had a good time, though the weather was a little cold and windy and my campsite was really exposed to all of the other sites so I kind of felt a little on display. I definitely want to go camping again, but this time I'll probably pick a more foresty area and/or one that's known for privacy. Also I'll bring kindling. Lessons learned!
Other than that, I'm 31 now, which brings with it the kind of wisdom 30 year olds just can't understand. I almost feel sorry for them. I'm going to the movies at Living Room Theaters again tonight. Not sure what I'm gonna see, but I know I'll have some good beer, and really isn't that what it's all about?
Thinking about moving. Turns out I don't really like having a housemate, and I can't invite people over as much because she freaks out about noise after 10. Too bad there isn't a money back guarantee on my lease. It's only been two months and I am definitely not satisfied.
xo!
On the whole I had a good time, though the weather was a little cold and windy and my campsite was really exposed to all of the other sites so I kind of felt a little on display. I definitely want to go camping again, but this time I'll probably pick a more foresty area and/or one that's known for privacy. Also I'll bring kindling. Lessons learned!
Other than that, I'm 31 now, which brings with it the kind of wisdom 30 year olds just can't understand. I almost feel sorry for them. I'm going to the movies at Living Room Theaters again tonight. Not sure what I'm gonna see, but I know I'll have some good beer, and really isn't that what it's all about?
Thinking about moving. Turns out I don't really like having a housemate, and I can't invite people over as much because she freaks out about noise after 10. Too bad there isn't a money back guarantee on my lease. It's only been two months and I am definitely not satisfied.
xo!
Friday, June 13, 2008
Sans specs
This is from the photo shoot with B. She is pretty damn talented.
here's a link to some more pics from the shoot.
here's a link to B's Etsy page. She just made her first sale!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Tuesday
I went to the movies by myself tonight. I had spent the early evening having some photos taken by B at her new studio and afterwards I just didn't feel like going home so I went to Powell's and bought some stationery to write to my great aunt and a birthday card for Brian. When I came out it was raining so I ducked into the Living Room Theaters down the street and decided to suck up my self-consciousness and see a movie (this sounds very spontaneous and unplanned but I must confess that I did look up the movie times before I left work today because I was thinking about going...I just wasn't 100% sure I would actually go until I came out of Powell's and it was raining). I saw The Go-Getter, which is by a local filmmaker (I'm not looking it up...you'll have to trust me) and was filmed in part in Oregon. Also, the music was by M.Ward, someone Brian and M are into and I have started to take a liking to as well. Anyway, seeing a movie by myself was a lot less horrible than I thought it would be. For starters, the LRT is full of cushy chairs and ottomans (ottomen?) and they serve drinks and food and things. They only show independent films which is kind of a departure for me because I tend to be less open-minded than I would like about movies, but I really liked the one I saw tonight. They have this special where all shows are only $5 on Mondays and Tuesdays, so I'm thinking of maybe making it a regular thing. I'm single, see, so I can do that :)
Riding the MAX home, I felt perhaps the most intense loneliness I have felt since breaking up with T. Thank god for Pema Chodron though, because I remembered the part of the book about how loneliness is a gift and to just sit and feel it and not try to get rid of the feeling. It wasn't easy, but when I finally gave in to just experiencing the emotions rather than try to distract myself, it became a much more bearable thing. As I was walking home from the bus stop, I grinned wryly and shook my head and exclaimed to myself, "holy shit, I am so fucking lonely right now!" and it was okay.
When I got home, I sat down to take my 365 portrait for the day. I felt like doing something a little different because I had been feeling particularly self-conscious and body-conscious this evening. Also I showed my 365 set to a coworker last week and he encouraged me to be more creative with it. So yeah, I decided to show a little skin. I know it's my skin and it's lovely and there's nothing wrong with it, but for some reason instinctively I feel like I should somehow apologize for putting it out there. Perhaps I just feel exposed. Anyway, there you go....another super fun post-breakup evening. I can only imagine what tomorrow will bring :)
xo
Riding the MAX home, I felt perhaps the most intense loneliness I have felt since breaking up with T. Thank god for Pema Chodron though, because I remembered the part of the book about how loneliness is a gift and to just sit and feel it and not try to get rid of the feeling. It wasn't easy, but when I finally gave in to just experiencing the emotions rather than try to distract myself, it became a much more bearable thing. As I was walking home from the bus stop, I grinned wryly and shook my head and exclaimed to myself, "holy shit, I am so fucking lonely right now!" and it was okay.
When I got home, I sat down to take my 365 portrait for the day. I felt like doing something a little different because I had been feeling particularly self-conscious and body-conscious this evening. Also I showed my 365 set to a coworker last week and he encouraged me to be more creative with it. So yeah, I decided to show a little skin. I know it's my skin and it's lovely and there's nothing wrong with it, but for some reason instinctively I feel like I should somehow apologize for putting it out there. Perhaps I just feel exposed. Anyway, there you go....another super fun post-breakup evening. I can only imagine what tomorrow will bring :)
xo
Blah blah blah
This morning, I am annoyed. My housemate banged on my door at 6:41 AM and asked me to empty the dishwasher and leave her a check for the internet bill. Actually, she didn't even ask, she said, "hey, it'd be great if you would empty the dishwasher and leave me a check for your half of Comcast", to which my immediate thought was, "hey, it'd be great if you would leave me the fuck alone until after 7:30 AM". Not yet trouble in paradise, but I am definitely going to need to establish some boundaries there.
I bought a tent on overstock for my camping trip this weekend, and last night I unpacked it all and put it together. Seems pretty simple, so I'm not too terribly worried about putting it up by myself when I get to the campsite. I wasn't able to get Friday off, though, so if my boss needs me to stay all day I might be stuck putting it up in the dark. Less than ideal. We'll see how it goes. The part I'm really nervous about is the fire since I'm not exactly an expert in campfire building. Hopefully I won't burn the place down :)
Cutting off my friendship with J turns out to have been the exact right decision as everything seems to hurt a whole lot less this week than it did last week. I really can't wait until it doesn't hurt at all anymore because I would like to be friends again at some point in the future. I don't like the idea of just never seeing people again.
Speaking of people, had some work folks over this weekend for beer and poker. The gathering was highly successful even though I didn't win and I drank too much (possibly related to the not winning ;). It was nice to have some people in my space though. If my housemate wasn't such a stickler about noise after 10 (or if my space was more soundproofed) I would have people over all the time. As it is I usually have to wait until she is going to be out of town, which luckily has been happening about once a month lately. I'm starting to remember why people pay big bucks to live in their own houses instead of renting someone's basement.
Eh well...I'll be glad about where I live when I'm biking around Provence, right?
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Brows and Birthdays
Those of you who know me well (and pay attention) know that I'm not the girliest of girls. I go through phases where I'm more interested in makeup or nail polish or jewelry but for the most part I'm not really all about the primping. Anway, there is one girly-type thing that I have discovered that takes so little effort and makes sooooo much of a difference in how I feel about myself and the way I look: eyebrow maintenance. I don't remember when it occurred to me for the first time, but for a couple of years now I have tried to make an effort to keep my brows under control. Over the past couple of months when I have been going through the superdrama, brow maintenance sort of fell by the way until I looked up one day and realized I looked a bit like the cookie monster. That same day T called me Andy Rooney (because that's what friends do) and I realized that something had to be done.
I had always felt a little clumsy about grooming my brows myself because sometimes the shape didn't come out quite right (one memorable time I accidentally waxed about half of my brow off and it looked like I had stuck hitler's mustache on my forehead). I always thought it would be the coolest thing ever to have my eyebrows professionally "done" in a salon, but I wanted to wait until it was really necessary because it ain't cheap and frankly I didn't want them to mock my amateur attempts at brow shaping (Yes, I am paranoid about the eyebrow waxing ladies judging me. Yes, I know this is absurd). So finally, the state of my brows reached 'needs professional help' status and I knew it was time to bring in the big guns.
I didn't want to just go to the salon for my eyebrows and I didn't want to go by myself, so I roped B (T's GF) into going with me for a spa day. We each signed up for a facial, a manicure, and the aptly named "brow design". When we got to the salon we were asked to fill out a form that asked some fairly invasive health questions and made us both a little wary. We were early, so we waited slightly anxiously (okay I did...B had done this before and was totally relaxed). When my aesthetician was available (awesome job title), she came and got me and led me into a room with a massage table, dimmed lights, meditative music playing and a little fountain. Already we were veering widely from my preconceived idea of what getting a facial would be like. I was thinking I would sit in a chair and they would put some stuff on my face. Um...no.
My aesthetician closed the door and explained that now it was time for me to 'dress down' (uh...what?) and that I should take my shirt off, lay on the massage table and drape the sheet over me. Oh dear. Not what I had in mind. I went along anyway, because that's what you do when you're in an awkward social situation, especially when you're paying for it.
So anyway, it was a little strange but I got over it. Having someone 'design' my brows was not entirely unpleasant, but there were some moments where it felt like the entire top half of my face was on fire. Also, she trimmed my eyebrows with tiny little scissors which was interesting. The facial and the manicure were pretty standard, aside from the surprise nudity. My brows came out looking completely fabulous, like the best ever, like I am in love with them. Eyebrows. I can probably just maintain the shape as it is at home but if they ever get unruly I will probably go back and have them done again. I'm keeping my shirt on this time though.
On a completely different topic, Friday, June 13th is my 31st birthday. T and B will be out of town with B's family, Brian will be busy running a half-marathon, I'm already having dinner at my parents' house on Sunday for a collective celebration(my birthday is the 13th, Brian's is the 14th and Father's Day is the 15th), and W doesn't do birthdays. So that leaves me in the unenviable position of spending my birthday alone. I had a good mope when thinking about this initially ("okay, my options are go out and get drunk by myself (sad) or stay home and get drunk by myself (sadder)"), but then I realized that if nobody else is going to show me a good time then it is totally up to me to make sure my 31st birthday doesn't suck.
So my birthday weekend, I'm going to the coast by myself. I'm borrowing a car and some camping gear and I reserved a site with beach access at a state park and I'm going to find out if I like camping. I've never really done it before, so there will probably be things I don't think of or that I would have done differently with some experience, but whatever the result I will be doing something new and learning something about myself which is always good. I am sure I will have many fun stories to relate when I get back.
That's it. Hope everyone's week is going well!
xo
I had always felt a little clumsy about grooming my brows myself because sometimes the shape didn't come out quite right (one memorable time I accidentally waxed about half of my brow off and it looked like I had stuck hitler's mustache on my forehead). I always thought it would be the coolest thing ever to have my eyebrows professionally "done" in a salon, but I wanted to wait until it was really necessary because it ain't cheap and frankly I didn't want them to mock my amateur attempts at brow shaping (Yes, I am paranoid about the eyebrow waxing ladies judging me. Yes, I know this is absurd). So finally, the state of my brows reached 'needs professional help' status and I knew it was time to bring in the big guns.
I didn't want to just go to the salon for my eyebrows and I didn't want to go by myself, so I roped B (T's GF) into going with me for a spa day. We each signed up for a facial, a manicure, and the aptly named "brow design". When we got to the salon we were asked to fill out a form that asked some fairly invasive health questions and made us both a little wary. We were early, so we waited slightly anxiously (okay I did...B had done this before and was totally relaxed). When my aesthetician was available (awesome job title), she came and got me and led me into a room with a massage table, dimmed lights, meditative music playing and a little fountain. Already we were veering widely from my preconceived idea of what getting a facial would be like. I was thinking I would sit in a chair and they would put some stuff on my face. Um...no.
My aesthetician closed the door and explained that now it was time for me to 'dress down' (uh...what?) and that I should take my shirt off, lay on the massage table and drape the sheet over me. Oh dear. Not what I had in mind. I went along anyway, because that's what you do when you're in an awkward social situation, especially when you're paying for it.
So anyway, it was a little strange but I got over it. Having someone 'design' my brows was not entirely unpleasant, but there were some moments where it felt like the entire top half of my face was on fire. Also, she trimmed my eyebrows with tiny little scissors which was interesting. The facial and the manicure were pretty standard, aside from the surprise nudity. My brows came out looking completely fabulous, like the best ever, like I am in love with them. Eyebrows. I can probably just maintain the shape as it is at home but if they ever get unruly I will probably go back and have them done again. I'm keeping my shirt on this time though.
On a completely different topic, Friday, June 13th is my 31st birthday. T and B will be out of town with B's family, Brian will be busy running a half-marathon, I'm already having dinner at my parents' house on Sunday for a collective celebration(my birthday is the 13th, Brian's is the 14th and Father's Day is the 15th), and W doesn't do birthdays. So that leaves me in the unenviable position of spending my birthday alone. I had a good mope when thinking about this initially ("okay, my options are go out and get drunk by myself (sad) or stay home and get drunk by myself (sadder)"), but then I realized that if nobody else is going to show me a good time then it is totally up to me to make sure my 31st birthday doesn't suck.
So my birthday weekend, I'm going to the coast by myself. I'm borrowing a car and some camping gear and I reserved a site with beach access at a state park and I'm going to find out if I like camping. I've never really done it before, so there will probably be things I don't think of or that I would have done differently with some experience, but whatever the result I will be doing something new and learning something about myself which is always good. I am sure I will have many fun stories to relate when I get back.
That's it. Hope everyone's week is going well!
xo
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