Christmas dinner with my family was such a delight. Everyone brought something to the table and, since the majority of my family members are vegetarian, it was all meatless. I made wild rice stuffing, one of my favorite holiday dishes. My family transitioned away from bread-based stuffing a long time ago when we found out my dad can't eat wheat. Thank god for that, because I never would have known how fantastic rice stuffing is if we didn't have to give up the bread. Mmm mmm!
Wild Rice Stuffing with Cranberries and Pecans
(adapted from http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Wild-Rice-Stuffing-with-Hazelnuts-and-Dried-Cranberries-102482)
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter
2 onions, chopped
1 garlic clove, minced
6 3/4 cups low sodium organic vegetable broth
4 cups Lundberg Wild Blend rice (this stuff is fantastic but other wild rice will do if you must)
2 cups dried cranberries
3/4 cup chopped pecans
2 tbsp chopped fresh thyme
Melt the butter in a big stock pot, then toss in the onions and garlic and saute for a few minutes until the onions are starting to get translucent. Add vegetable broth and bring to a boil. Add rice, stir, add a little salt (maybe a pinch or two), then cover and simmer for 40-45 minutes.
When most of the liquid has been absorbed, mix in the cranberries, pecans, and fresh thyme. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Turn the whole mixture out into a baking dish and cover with buttered foil. At this point you can stick it in the fridge if you're making it ahead. About an hour before serving, remove from the fridge and put the dish and foil into a 350 degree oven for about 30-40 minutes or until warmed through. Serve and enjoy!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
It begins...again
I got an email yesterday from the teachers of my chemistry course for next semester. I'm filled with more than a little dread at the prospect of starting that class again. I know I need the credits to finish my degree but last semester was a pretty stressful experience and I'm not looking forward to repeating it. On top of that, last semester I only pulled a B and this time I really really want to get an A.
I know...no pressure :)
One thing I'm struggling with lately is taking ownership of my choices. So much of the time I feel like I'm making decisions based on what I think the world thinks I should do rather than what I genuinely want to do. It really makes life feel like an effort sometimes, like I'm constantly trying to maintain this facade of what I think people want to see from me. I'm not entirely sure how to break out of that mentality, but I'm trying to at least notice when I'm doing it. I'll keep you posted.
Happy Holidays!
xo,
C
I know...no pressure :)
One thing I'm struggling with lately is taking ownership of my choices. So much of the time I feel like I'm making decisions based on what I think the world thinks I should do rather than what I genuinely want to do. It really makes life feel like an effort sometimes, like I'm constantly trying to maintain this facade of what I think people want to see from me. I'm not entirely sure how to break out of that mentality, but I'm trying to at least notice when I'm doing it. I'll keep you posted.
Happy Holidays!
xo,
C
Sunday, December 13, 2009
The downside of contentedness
This morning I got out of bed, walked down the street and had breakfast and a latte and now I'm snug in my apartment with the gas fireplace on and jazz radio playing softly in the background. God, I love living here. Sometimes I think I love it a little too much, to the point where even if some fantastic gentleman came along and swept me off my feet, I wouldn't want to move, and I probably wouldn't want to have to share this space either. So I don't know. Being so contented here worries me. :)
This reminds me of my brother's situation, where he has to work a day job he hates but he's a filmmaker and a writer at heart. He stays with the crappy day job instead of finding something that would content him more because the dissatisfaction of his daily situation keeps him working on the writing and film. I totally get that.
Hopefully my contentedness will be a good thing, relationshipwise. If I was dissatisfied with my living situation it might cause me to jump into something I will regret with someone who isn't worth it. So my kick-ass apartment and neighborhood will help me keep my standards high. I hope.
I hope you're all having lovely weekends.
xo,
C
This reminds me of my brother's situation, where he has to work a day job he hates but he's a filmmaker and a writer at heart. He stays with the crappy day job instead of finding something that would content him more because the dissatisfaction of his daily situation keeps him working on the writing and film. I totally get that.
Hopefully my contentedness will be a good thing, relationshipwise. If I was dissatisfied with my living situation it might cause me to jump into something I will regret with someone who isn't worth it. So my kick-ass apartment and neighborhood will help me keep my standards high. I hope.
I hope you're all having lovely weekends.
xo,
C
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Can you still believe in fat-acceptance and actively want to lose weight?
An excellent question, and one I've been puzzling over for a little while now, because I do. Both. And I think it can be done, but the important factor is the *reason* I want to lose weight. It's not because I hate myself or I think that fat is bad or ugly or I think that there is something wrong with being fat. It's simply because I am a supersized lady and my size is stopping me from doing things that I want to do.
I made a list last night of how many different ways my weight affects my daily life (it was a looong list). I was amazed to see on paper all of the circumstances that are made more difficult in my life because of my size and how I almost completely ignore them most of the time. Sometimes I feel like I carry around an apology in my head for every situation where I can't just sit in a chair with arms or fit into the robes at the spa or take up only one seat on the bus, as if I'm inconveniencing the world around me for being the size I am. I know that's bullshit, to an extent, but it's still there in my head.
There are just so many things I want and that I want to do that being supersized gets in the way of, like traveling, shopping for clothes, being in any new circumstance where I might have to sit somewhere, and even being able to simply get on the bus and sit down next to someone. I want to do these things. I want to experience the effortlessness that comes from living in a smaller-sized body.
Something I find interesting about the thought process that led me to decide to lose weight is that I really and truly had to love my body as it is to be able to do this. This sounds contradictory, but it's not. I found once I got to the point where I could look at myself in the mirror and smile and enjoy the way I looked, it was like a switch flipped in my head. Suddenly, the problem I had with my body wasn't all about appealing to other people anymore. It wasn't about wanting to look pretty for some man or wanting to fit society's ideal. Don't get me wrong, I am well aware that being smaller will likely have the affect of attracting more people and gaining more approval from the world around me, but that's a side benefit, not my main goal (and I have a lot of mixed feelings about it).
So yes, when I finally felt most of that yearning for outside approval melt away, it was replaced by a quiet but constant voice in the back of my head reminding me that I want my body to be smaller. But how to accomplish this? First, is it even possible? I've written enough times about how diets don't work and how many people gain back what they've lost and then some (plus I've experienced it many times myself) to know that I can't just eat rice cakes and work out seven days a week and expect that to be a livable solution. Luckily I have some advantages in this situation. Having legalized and equalized all foods a long time ago, I am as excited about a good brussels sprouts recipe as I am about cupcakes. I also actually enjoy cooking, know a little bit about it, and since I live in Portland, I have easy access to an array of fantastic ingredients. On top of that I am lucky enough to have a great fat-positive trainer who is willing to work with me to accomplish my goals and who works out of my favorite gym in the world which is only a mile from my house. As if all of that weren't enough, I talked to my family about all of this over Thanksgiving and I really feel like I have their genuine support to do whatever I want to do with this body, which is a huge deal given our history over body issues. In short, everything seems to be going my way.
The only thing I'm really worried about (besides complete and utter failure, which is always a concern) is the fat acceptance community and how the folks within might react. I think the important thing is to keep this business to my own webspace. I wouldn't dream of telling someone else what they should or shouldn't do with their body (or worse, *how* they should do it, just because some thing or another worked for me), and that will continue to be the case. I still believe wholeheartedly that people of all shapes and sizes deserve to be treated well and have equal value. I will continue to fight for rights for everyone and visibility for fat people, no matter what size of fat I am.
I'm excited about this and what it means to my life. No judgments, no good/bad dichotomy, no infantilizing. I'm going to eat less and exercise more, but at levels that I am comfortable with and enjoy. I'm going to see if it is possible to become a smaller person while continuing to love and respect who you were before. I think it is.
xoxo,
C
I made a list last night of how many different ways my weight affects my daily life (it was a looong list). I was amazed to see on paper all of the circumstances that are made more difficult in my life because of my size and how I almost completely ignore them most of the time. Sometimes I feel like I carry around an apology in my head for every situation where I can't just sit in a chair with arms or fit into the robes at the spa or take up only one seat on the bus, as if I'm inconveniencing the world around me for being the size I am. I know that's bullshit, to an extent, but it's still there in my head.
There are just so many things I want and that I want to do that being supersized gets in the way of, like traveling, shopping for clothes, being in any new circumstance where I might have to sit somewhere, and even being able to simply get on the bus and sit down next to someone. I want to do these things. I want to experience the effortlessness that comes from living in a smaller-sized body.
Something I find interesting about the thought process that led me to decide to lose weight is that I really and truly had to love my body as it is to be able to do this. This sounds contradictory, but it's not. I found once I got to the point where I could look at myself in the mirror and smile and enjoy the way I looked, it was like a switch flipped in my head. Suddenly, the problem I had with my body wasn't all about appealing to other people anymore. It wasn't about wanting to look pretty for some man or wanting to fit society's ideal. Don't get me wrong, I am well aware that being smaller will likely have the affect of attracting more people and gaining more approval from the world around me, but that's a side benefit, not my main goal (and I have a lot of mixed feelings about it).
So yes, when I finally felt most of that yearning for outside approval melt away, it was replaced by a quiet but constant voice in the back of my head reminding me that I want my body to be smaller. But how to accomplish this? First, is it even possible? I've written enough times about how diets don't work and how many people gain back what they've lost and then some (plus I've experienced it many times myself) to know that I can't just eat rice cakes and work out seven days a week and expect that to be a livable solution. Luckily I have some advantages in this situation. Having legalized and equalized all foods a long time ago, I am as excited about a good brussels sprouts recipe as I am about cupcakes. I also actually enjoy cooking, know a little bit about it, and since I live in Portland, I have easy access to an array of fantastic ingredients. On top of that I am lucky enough to have a great fat-positive trainer who is willing to work with me to accomplish my goals and who works out of my favorite gym in the world which is only a mile from my house. As if all of that weren't enough, I talked to my family about all of this over Thanksgiving and I really feel like I have their genuine support to do whatever I want to do with this body, which is a huge deal given our history over body issues. In short, everything seems to be going my way.
The only thing I'm really worried about (besides complete and utter failure, which is always a concern) is the fat acceptance community and how the folks within might react. I think the important thing is to keep this business to my own webspace. I wouldn't dream of telling someone else what they should or shouldn't do with their body (or worse, *how* they should do it, just because some thing or another worked for me), and that will continue to be the case. I still believe wholeheartedly that people of all shapes and sizes deserve to be treated well and have equal value. I will continue to fight for rights for everyone and visibility for fat people, no matter what size of fat I am.
I'm excited about this and what it means to my life. No judgments, no good/bad dichotomy, no infantilizing. I'm going to eat less and exercise more, but at levels that I am comfortable with and enjoy. I'm going to see if it is possible to become a smaller person while continuing to love and respect who you were before. I think it is.
xoxo,
C
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