Hooray! It's Saturday, the haven of exhausted nine-to-fivers everywhere!
I was supposed to have brunch with Mom this morning but she had to turn back because the snow and ice was making the roads too slick, so it was time for plan B. I had been promising Rosie a nice long walk this weekend and I had some books to return, so we got all bundled and leashed up and headed for the library. It was a nice walk, though she's still a little pully on the leash so my arm got a little tired trying to keep her next to me. Also, seemingly everyone in the world was out on Hawthorne today doing some Christmas shopping or just trying to escape their cabin fever, so it was a challenge to keep Rosie from saying hello to absolutely every person we came across. On top of that, it's still snowing so parts of us got pretty frozen and snow-covered.
Regardless, we made the twenty-two block trek (eleven there and back) without any major kerfuffles and now we're back at my place, planning to stay snuggly and warm for the rest of the day. I love this dog.
xo,
Carrie
The washing machines in the laundry room are on the fritz. When I moved in, they had just painted the laundry room and were going to install the machines any day now. They finally installed them but unfortunately as some lucky soul washed their first load, one or both of the washing machines started leaking. So they've both been out of order since then.
There is actually a little laundry area in my studio but I decided not to get a washer and dryer since I am right across from the laundry room and I have to have some place for Rosie's kennel to go. I may change my mind about that if these machines keep breaking down.
ANYWAY, tonight I was finally down to my very last pair of clean underwear and socks and so it was time for action. Had the weather not been quite so crappy (it's been snowing here) I would probably have lugged a load of clothes up to the laundromat a few blocks away. While pondering this option and trying to think of a way out of it, I realized that it was only the washers that were broken and the dryers were just fine. So I did this:
Let me tell you, it seems like a very simple thing, washing your clothes by hand in a tub of water. In fact, as I was running the water to fill the tub I actually had the cheeky thought "who needs a washing machine?"
As it turns out, the spin cycle is kind of really important and not something you can easily replicate by hand in a tub. Even after I drained all of the water and squeezed each piece of clothing, they were still sopping wet. I had to put them through two and a half dryer cycles to get rid of all of that water, but it was still worth it to finally have clean, dry clothes.
In other news, Rosie is settling in nicely. I realized I have been having some anxiety about her living with me because T was always the one who handled the animals. For some reason, I had a tiny deep-seated fear that I was somehow not qualified to take care of Rosie and make her happy. So far she seems to be doing fine, though we haven't been doing much walking since the weather has been so bad and I've been waiting for her no-pull harness to come in the mail. I finally got it today and fit it on her, so we should be able to go for a nice walk tomorrow.
Hope you're all staying warm and dry :)
xo,
C
So. This time last year I was lamenting my first Christmas alone. I was getting a tree, I was unwrapping ornaments, I was singing Christmas carols to the dogs, I was crying. This year I'm not gonna do that. Well, I may sing a carol or two to Rosie, and lord knows I will probably cry, but I'm definitely not getting a tree :)So what have I learned during this past year of experimentation with my own life? Well for starters, I learned that even if a relationship is not working out, it is still incredibly painful to end it. The amount and duration of the pain seems to be in proportion to the length of time you were actually in the relationship, though I don't know the exact ratio. Also, in general it hurts less to be the breaker than the breakee. I also learned some interesting things about myself in a relationship, like how my first instinct is to contort myself into what I think the other person wants in a partner and that I will know I'm doing it and it will make me feel sick inside, but somehow I will rationalize it as me 'trying' and 'being a good partner' so I don't have to accept that the relationship isn't working. Healthy! This past year I have grown a lot closer to my family, especially my mom. Our relationship had always been kind of distant emotionally but this past year we have somehow started to connect on a mother/daughter/friend level and we have been hanging out and having a lot of fun together. It makes sense, I mean we are alike in many ways so we understand each other, plus she's my mom, so there's always a solid level of trust there. Granted, she doesn't always tell me what I want to hear, which can be frustrating, but I know I can go to her to cut through the bullshit and give it to me straight, and that's an extremely valuable relationship to have, especially when I'm all floundering out in the hetero dating world. It's harder to be friends with your exes than I thought. T and I are still having our difficulties in that area. It's pretty hard for us to hang out together because we have so much history and one or the other of us will inevitably bring up an inside joke or a memory of a happy time we had together and then at some point one or the other of us will cry. So not the most fun time for either of us, but we're working on it. The other relationships I've been into and out of this year didn't really yield any friendships either, though none of them really lasted long enough to form that kind of bond.Over the past six months or so I have learned that my fat body is not broken, it is strong and resilient and it is capable of doing a whole lot more than I have ever given it credit for. I also learned it takes longer to get into running shape than I thought, and I just recently learned that the best way to train your body to run is to actually run and do a little bit more than you believe you can do. I learned that finding the right trainer is as important as finding the right therapist and that the thing people say about how having an exercise partner makes sticking with a training plan easier is absolutely true. I learned I don't like living with a roommate, and that soundproofing in a shared space is so so important. Also, it's better to be honest with your landlord about a roommate situation not working out than to make up a story about circumstances entirely beyond your control that are forcing you to move out. Workwise, I discovered that if your boss vaguely says you will get promoted and get a raise at some indistinct moment in the future, he is manipulating you and you are so not going to get any of those things. It happened multiple times at Turner but I didn't realize until it happened here that it was a universal idea, not just confined to the one company. If you're going to get a raise or promotion, they're going to give it to you now, not eventually someday. I learned that Diana Ross was right, you can't hurry love. And you can't cause it to happen and you can't manipulate it and you can't force it. Pretty much, we are all at love's mercy and it will happen when it happens and the only thing we can do is live our lives to the fullest and be open to new experiences. Usually I can believe this, though sometimes I find myself convinced that the problem is me, I'm entirely flawed and unappealing, I will never fall in love again and will be a lonely spinster forever. My thoughts on this issue change frequently :DSo I'm not sure I would say that things this year are necessarily any better than last year. I didn't become wise all of a sudden, I'm not in super magical love, I'm still living alone and working in a job that I don't find particularly fulfilling. But on the plus side, I'm finally in a place where I feel at home, I've challenged myself to do new things and have succeeded at some of them, I've made some new friends and established closer relationships with my family, and I found out just a little bit more about who I am and what I want out of life. I think I'll mark 2008 down as a win.Love,CarriePS: Rosie moves into my apartment tomorrow. I can hardly wait! :)
I met with my trainer tonight. I had taken about a month off so I could afford to move into my new place and though I tried to get out and run/walk from time to time, I had still settled into a slightly less active version of my life over the past few weeks. So I was a little worried tonight, when I met with Maria, that I was going to have more trouble than usual working out. As it turns out, my fears were unfounded. She said I definitely maintained my conditioning and we did twenty minutes of run/walk interval training where I ran farther than I ever have in one go (which, by the way, is only two blocks as of yet. baby steps). So It was a great workout! I got out yesterday and did a little jog around the neighborhood on my way to the bank and it felt really comfortable. The great thing about living in a neighborhood with so much activity is that nobody really looks at you twice for being out and about. In my old neighborhood I always felt a little on display when I was out walking.
I am absolutely in love..in LOVE with where I'm living now. My apartment is awesome and has just enough space for me to be comfortable without having too many places for piles of things to accumulate. My building is quaint and old fashioned and beautiful on the inside. I can walk to just about any kind of store or restaurant I could ever need or want to go to, and there are always people out on the street so I really feel like I'm in the middle of things and not so isolated. I feel more at home here than anywhere I have ever lived. I could not be happier that things worked out the way they did.
:):):)
xo,
C
Okay, so. The craft show.
It was a good experience, I definitely learned a lot. I sold some necklaces, a bracelet and a pair of earrings on Friday but there wasn't as much traffic on Saturday and I didn't sell even one thing today. Also, I bought some things from some of the other artists so I don't have any money to show for it, but at least I broke even. There are a few things I think I will do differently next time and now I will never again have to do my first craft show, so I'm still really glad I did it. It sure is hard though, to sit there for eight hours and not have one sale to show for it. Bah. So tonight I'm feeling a little beat down, but it's nothing a glass of wine and a cookie can't take care of :)
I'm still loving my new place, though tonight T let me borrow the car to drive all of my stuff home after the show and it was a challenge to find a good place to park it. Parking aside, I love the neighborhood. There are a ton of things to see and do on my street and there is always someone walking by. I'm on the ground floor so sometimes I just peek around my curtains and people-watch for a while. It makes the world feel a little less lonely.
xo,
C
So yes, if you look to the right you will see the super new web badge I got for winning NaNoWriMo (everyone who makes it to 50,000 words wins). It was an interesting experience, especially at the end when it was one day before the deadline, I was five thousand words short, and I was packing all of my stuff to move across town the next day. Drama! But everything worked out. I got moved, I finished writing, and now I have more than 50,000 words of a first draft of my first novel. Pretty neat. Even if I never become a super famous accomplished novelist, at least I did it once. There are moments in the book I really like, too, but it sure needs a whole lot of polishing before anyone gets to see it. Maybe next month I'll dig into that.About moving: I am finally out of the clutches of my evil roommate and it is sooooo nice! My new apartment is a studio, so it's kind of itty bitty, but it has its own kitchen, its own laundry area, and is way more soundproofed from the rest of the building than the basement ever was. You will not believe what a gleeful act making spaghetti is when you haven't had a kitchen for a while. It was so great! I'm still dealing with the funk that comes with moving into a new place and everything being just a little bit more difficult because you don't know where the things you need are, but that should pass when I get everything unpacked. Also Tim and I broke up so I'm processing that and the craft show is this weekend so I'm stressing about that. So everything's been a little up and down this week.I have arrived at the grand clichéd moment in every struggling single gal's story where she decides to just give up on men and try to live her life as if it didn't matter that the family she so wanted to have hasn't materialized as of yet. According to the spinster handbook, I'm now supposed to get a cat. Hopefully Rosie will do. I'm not sure I could fit her and a cat into my little apartment. xo,C
