Okay, so I haven't written since the marathon. I don't know exactly why...maybe the idea of running a marathon seemed like an easy decision when I was there and everyone was cheering, but once I got back to my life it seemed like this ridiculously insurmountable goal. So when I got back, all working out just kind of stopped. I mean, I was still doing core workouts now and then, but there was no walking, running, or swimming. I am pleased to say, however, that I have been keeping up with the cooking for myself instead of eating out thing, so these past few weeks haven't been a total loss. In the scheme of things, I have actually done quite well since I'm trying to change so many things at once and I managed to maintain some of the changes instead of abandoning them all.
We went to my parents house last night because they are dog-sitting for my brother's dog while he and his wife are out of town and they needed some help figuring out the gentle leader, a collar that makes it easier to walk dogs that pull when they're walking on a leash. Anyway, I'm really glad we went over there because my mom took some pictures of us out in the yard with the dog and let me just say it was a profound thing to see my whole self as I actually am in the world. I was shocked and, honestly, a little scared of how big I actually am compared to how big I am in my mind. It's really hard to look at myself in those photos and really take in the idea that that is how people see me every day. It frustrates the hell out of me that I look so different from how I think I look because I have so much further to go before I am able to let go of all of the extra fat and just be in my normal-sized body (it's in there somewhere, I just know it). But I guess the upside of seeing myself as I am is that it has given me the little push I needed to get back on the workout horse. I'm going to start up again tomorrow.
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