I've been reading nothing but children's books for the past month and it's got me talking funny. So you will understand when I say that last week was a dreadful, beastly thing. I had to go into work at 3 am for a few days, two hours earlier than my usual 5, and the lack of sleep really took a toll on me. Every little bit of everything last week was harder than it needed to be, more challenge by a mile than I actually needed. The upside is that this week, now that I've caught up on some sleep and am back to my normal schedule, has been a veritable piece of cake so far. One thing that helps is that I've been dreaming about Hawaii...
Remember Costa Rica? Remember my angst about not being able to do what I wanted on that trip and my fear that I wouldn't be able to have a good time since my knee was making walking kind of a struggle? Well I've been thinking and thinking about it over the past months and eventually I realized that I wasn't really looking forward to my trip at all, in fact if I hadn't already bought my ticket I would have scrapped the trip altogether. Instead I just decided to change venues and go to Hawaii. There's a ten day meditation retreat happening in Pahoa on the big island when I'm there and I plan to participate. So lately I've been doing a lot of planning and thinking about that trip.
Ten days is a LOT of meditating, and kind of a daunting task, especially when you know that it's also ten days of "noble silence", meaning no talking, no hand gestures, no communicating with the other workshop participants in any way. They also tell you not to bring books, cell phones, journals or any other distractions, which makes sense in that you're going there to focus, but having no distractions at all is kind of a scary thought. What if I'm entirely bored for ten days? What if I am bad at meditating and/or a distraction and everyone hates me? I can't even go hide in my tent and wait out the ten days while reading a good book!
As scary as that is, that's also part of what excites me about the retreat. How often in life do you get a chance to just focus, to not worry about any number of other responsibilities you have, to just work out your own business without distracting yourself with the internet or a book or a conversation with someone else? Not very often, that's what. So I'm looking forward to the challenge of it all. I'm interested to see who I am when I don't have to be anybody. And of course I'm excited to go to Hawaii, though I am the last in my family to see it (oh, how I hate being last!)
I'm going to have a few days after the end of the retreat to see what I can of Hawaii. At first I was thinking I'd go to a fancy resort, rest, relax, and get a fancy massage, but something about that didn't feel quite right. Then I started researching things I could possibly do or see on the big island and it turns out there are some lovely sights on the southern end, where my retreat will be. So I decided to rent a car for those last few days and get a feel for Pahoa, a much more rural, less touristy town than Kona, where the resort was. I'm very excited about this...it feels like much more of a good fit for me. More autonomy, fewer tourists, volcanoes (!) and peaceful black sand beaches. Yes please. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment