Okay, so I haven't written since the marathon. I don't know exactly why...maybe the idea of running a marathon seemed like an easy decision when I was there and everyone was cheering, but once I got back to my life it seemed like this ridiculously insurmountable goal. So when I got back, all working out just kind of stopped. I mean, I was still doing core workouts now and then, but there was no walking, running, or swimming. I am pleased to say, however, that I have been keeping up with the cooking for myself instead of eating out thing, so these past few weeks haven't been a total loss. In the scheme of things, I have actually done quite well since I'm trying to change so many things at once and I managed to maintain some of the changes instead of abandoning them all.
We went to my parents house last night because they are dog-sitting for my brother's dog while he and his wife are out of town and they needed some help figuring out the gentle leader, a collar that makes it easier to walk dogs that pull when they're walking on a leash. Anyway, I'm really glad we went over there because my mom took some pictures of us out in the yard with the dog and let me just say it was a profound thing to see my whole self as I actually am in the world. I was shocked and, honestly, a little scared of how big I actually am compared to how big I am in my mind. It's really hard to look at myself in those photos and really take in the idea that that is how people see me every day. It frustrates the hell out of me that I look so different from how I think I look because I have so much further to go before I am able to let go of all of the extra fat and just be in my normal-sized body (it's in there somewhere, I just know it). But I guess the upside of seeing myself as I am is that it has given me the little push I needed to get back on the workout horse. I'm going to start up again tomorrow.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Honestly? It changed my life
Okay, so out of nowhere on Friday, I got an opportunity to go with my family to Vancouver, BC to watch my brother run the Vancouver marathon. They picked me up Saturday morning and we drove the 5+ hours up to Vancouver. This was my first time in Canada, so I was excited to finally see it. Turns out, Canada looks just like the US, at least the tiny corner I saw of it. I don’t know why, but for some reason I imagined Canada as some mystical magical fairyland where everyone is nice to everyone else all the time. Sad to realize that a lot of our unpleasant traits in the US are actually human traits and not just about being American. Back when Bush won a second time, I was seriously considering a move to Canada to get out of this ridiculous republican redneck-run country, but now that I’ve seen that it’s pretty much just like here, I’m really glad we moved to Portland instead.
The marathon was f-ing awesome! I woke up on Sunday, marathon day, around 7:40 AM. I went up to my parents’ hotel room on the 18th floor because there was a good view of Stanley Park from their balcony and you could see the line of runners winding their way around the park. It was fun to watch all of these tiny little people running their asses off in the distance. I was struck by an intense feeling of wanting to be out there with them, running, feeling the wind and the drizzling rain on my face. At that moment I knew, without a doubt, that I am going to run a marathon someday.
The marathon course ran right in front of the hotel, so we went down to the street for a little while to watch the half marathon walkers. It was going to be a while before any of the runners came through, so we went to have breakfast in the hotel restaurant. We got a table overlooking the street so we were able to watch the walkers and the first runners go by. After we finished breakfast, more runners were starting to come through so we went back down to the street to watch for Brian. It was incredible to see all of these different people from different lives come together for the sole purpose of running the marathon. Very inspiring.
Finally, we saw Brian. He looked a little tired (this was mile 11, after all), but was still raring to go. He ran on his way and we tried to figure out where the next good point for us to see him would be. My mom and I started walking towards mile 15 but got a call a little later from the rest of the group and adjusted our route towards mile 17 instead. We met up with everybody at mile 17 and waited again for Brian to pass. We were a little paranoid that we timed it wrong and may have missed him, so eventually we started walking back towards the hotel. Luckily, that direction was also against the flow of runners and we finally spotted Brian. He had slowed his pace a bit because his knee was bothering him, but he still seemed in pretty good spirits. He ran on and we walked back to the hotel.
We hung out at the hotel for about 20-30 minutes before grabbing a couple of cabs over to the BC Place stadium where the finish line was. Our cab had to let us off a few blocks from the stadium because the roads were closed for the marathon, so we walked the rest of the way. The finish line was so exciting because the crowds would call out people's names and cheer for them as they crossed into the finishing area (everyone's first name was printed on their race number). We picked a spot and waited for Brian again. Finally, he appeared! It was so emotional for me to see him cross the finish line…I was and am incredibly proud that he was able to accomplish what he did, especially after the scariness of the whole brain tumor thing. I still remember sitting in the hotel the night before his first surgery, not knowing what was going to happen or if he would ever be the same again. Now, seeing him run a freaking marathon and of course still being the same wiseass he has always been, I realized just how lucky we had all been that everything worked out so successfully.
So it was a fantastic day. All in all, we ended up walking 3.43 miles to meet Brian at different spots in the race…more distance than I would cover in any 5k, so I’m not so worried about that any more. And it was tough, and my feet hurt, but it didn’t kill me. And neither will the 5k…and neither will running a marathon of my own someday.
The marathon was f-ing awesome! I woke up on Sunday, marathon day, around 7:40 AM. I went up to my parents’ hotel room on the 18th floor because there was a good view of Stanley Park from their balcony and you could see the line of runners winding their way around the park. It was fun to watch all of these tiny little people running their asses off in the distance. I was struck by an intense feeling of wanting to be out there with them, running, feeling the wind and the drizzling rain on my face. At that moment I knew, without a doubt, that I am going to run a marathon someday.
The marathon course ran right in front of the hotel, so we went down to the street for a little while to watch the half marathon walkers. It was going to be a while before any of the runners came through, so we went to have breakfast in the hotel restaurant. We got a table overlooking the street so we were able to watch the walkers and the first runners go by. After we finished breakfast, more runners were starting to come through so we went back down to the street to watch for Brian. It was incredible to see all of these different people from different lives come together for the sole purpose of running the marathon. Very inspiring.
Finally, we saw Brian. He looked a little tired (this was mile 11, after all), but was still raring to go. He ran on his way and we tried to figure out where the next good point for us to see him would be. My mom and I started walking towards mile 15 but got a call a little later from the rest of the group and adjusted our route towards mile 17 instead. We met up with everybody at mile 17 and waited again for Brian to pass. We were a little paranoid that we timed it wrong and may have missed him, so eventually we started walking back towards the hotel. Luckily, that direction was also against the flow of runners and we finally spotted Brian. He had slowed his pace a bit because his knee was bothering him, but he still seemed in pretty good spirits. He ran on and we walked back to the hotel.
We hung out at the hotel for about 20-30 minutes before grabbing a couple of cabs over to the BC Place stadium where the finish line was. Our cab had to let us off a few blocks from the stadium because the roads were closed for the marathon, so we walked the rest of the way. The finish line was so exciting because the crowds would call out people's names and cheer for them as they crossed into the finishing area (everyone's first name was printed on their race number). We picked a spot and waited for Brian again. Finally, he appeared! It was so emotional for me to see him cross the finish line…I was and am incredibly proud that he was able to accomplish what he did, especially after the scariness of the whole brain tumor thing. I still remember sitting in the hotel the night before his first surgery, not knowing what was going to happen or if he would ever be the same again. Now, seeing him run a freaking marathon and of course still being the same wiseass he has always been, I realized just how lucky we had all been that everything worked out so successfully.
So it was a fantastic day. All in all, we ended up walking 3.43 miles to meet Brian at different spots in the race…more distance than I would cover in any 5k, so I’m not so worried about that any more. And it was tough, and my feet hurt, but it didn’t kill me. And neither will the 5k…and neither will running a marathon of my own someday.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Beware! I'm in a funk...
I went walking again on Tuesday. I left my house to the right instead of the left this time, so I ended up walking to Kenton Park and back. It was 1.3 miles, only a little longer than my usual park loop. The first third was fun and I felt great that I was getting back out there and being active again, the second third was kind of boring, and the last third was pretty difficult as I was tired and ready to be home. It occurred to me during my walk that my shoulders and arms tend to hurt when I'm walking/running because I use them to propel myself forward. I tested this theory by holding my arms behind my back and walking and it was way more difficult than when I am swinging my arms. Another thing I have realized lately is that I need to do some serious work on my core strength and that will make walking, running, and swimming easier. So with that in mind, I downloaded some lists of core exercises (crunches and things) from the web and I'm going to try to do a set of them every night. There are about seventy gajillion core workouts online, some tougher than others, so I'm going to start with the simple stuff and work up to the more challenging workouts. The cool thing about core workouts is that I can do them at home at any time of day or night. The bad thing about core workouts is that the dogs get all interested in what the heck I'm doing on the floor so they come over and sniff my face when I'm trying to do crunches :) I did notice today, though, that walking to the bus stop was easier and put less strain on my achilles tendon. I can only infer that the one set of core-strengthening I have done so far is working...at least a little bit.
Work has been ok lately, except (unnamed web-based document review tool)has again reared its ugly head. The sad part is that somehow none of the project managers have any idea how to run an (unnamed web-based document review tool) project, so they end up looking to me for answers to every single question. It reminds me of when I was at Turner for a million and a half years and everyone would come to me for info. It's just been so long since I've felt like I knew more about something than anyone else (and lately I've kind of been coasting on the idea that I don't know anything), so it's a strange feeling to be 'the authority' again.
Another shitty work thing is that I am stuck with billing, which is a convoluted and ridiculous procedure, plus the stuff we use to track our clients' use of our software is primitive and clunky and frequently doesn't work right. So I get clients calling me every so often, complaining that we are overcharging them for the amount of processing they have done with our software but I have no proof one way or another that what they are saying is true or if maybe they're trying to get something for nothing. So either we start giving stuff away for free or I have clients pissed at me because they are being overcharged. Fun. I'm tired of it. Luckily, this part of my job will be transferred to our new Metrics Analyst who is joining the dept later this month. I'm sure at that point I will find something else irritating about working here...
grumble grumble....
Love,
Me
Work has been ok lately, except (unnamed web-based document review tool)has again reared its ugly head. The sad part is that somehow none of the project managers have any idea how to run an (unnamed web-based document review tool) project, so they end up looking to me for answers to every single question. It reminds me of when I was at Turner for a million and a half years and everyone would come to me for info. It's just been so long since I've felt like I knew more about something than anyone else (and lately I've kind of been coasting on the idea that I don't know anything), so it's a strange feeling to be 'the authority' again.
Another shitty work thing is that I am stuck with billing, which is a convoluted and ridiculous procedure, plus the stuff we use to track our clients' use of our software is primitive and clunky and frequently doesn't work right. So I get clients calling me every so often, complaining that we are overcharging them for the amount of processing they have done with our software but I have no proof one way or another that what they are saying is true or if maybe they're trying to get something for nothing. So either we start giving stuff away for free or I have clients pissed at me because they are being overcharged. Fun. I'm tired of it. Luckily, this part of my job will be transferred to our new Metrics Analyst who is joining the dept later this month. I'm sure at that point I will find something else irritating about working here...
grumble grumble....
Love,
Me
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