I'm on call this weekend.
I'll give you a moment for the feelings of disbelief and outrage to subside.
Okay, so this on call isn't so bad, actually. I get paid for four work hours plus 15 minutes for every call I take. Also, I have an hour to respond to any issue, so I don't have to be chained to my laptop, and I'm only on call from 9AM-4PM Saturday and Sunday. Still, the specter of discover-e-style life-sucking on-calledness looms...I feel a wee bit stressed about it.
I said at Christmas that one of the things that frustrates me so much (philosophically) about my company is that they charge so much for child care but they pay the actual child care providers so little. The other day it occurred to me (or someone pointed it out to me, I can't remember) that one of the reasons they do this is so they can pay my very generous salary. Does it follow then, that I am part of the problem? By pushing my boss to pay me more money, am I somewhere down the line causing there to be less money available for the child care providers? I know it's not as simple as all that, but it does make me wonder. If nothing else, it's the perfect illustration of the problem I have with corporate child care. What's more important to my company, the people who fix the computers or the people who actually interact with the children? Seems pretty clear where their priorities are.
This realization also makes me think about why I work where I work, and in this field. I mean, am I really helping anybody? Does it really matter that I answer the phone and tell them to reboot and now whatever they were trying to do before is working? For the longest time I have stuck with this field because the money was necessary to support my "lifestyle" (whatever you make of that), but lately since I've been on my own and scaling back on my bills, I've been wondering, just how much money do I actually need to live happily? Could I take a pay cut to do something I actually enjoy or that really makes a difference? The matter requires more thought, to be sure. It would be nice to enjoy going to work. Not necessarily every day, but maybe once in a while I could not dread getting out of bed. That would be cool.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Sunday, December 30, 2007
A good day
This has been one of those days. Not one of *those* days, when everything goes wrong and you're rolling your eyes at every new crappy development, but one of the days where everything kind of magically falls into place and all the choices you make end up being the right ones.
I woke up this morning without any kind of clear plan. I definitely had things that had to get done today, like household responsibilities (laundry) and financial obligations (bill-paying), but other than that, the day was wide open. I decided to put off the drudgery and take myself out to breakfast. I took the bus to the Cup & Saucer, this little breakfasty place in my neighborhood that a friend introduced me to last week. I knew from my experiences at Burgerville that eating alone can be treacherous if you don't have something to actively do (besides the eating, of course), so I brought Jane Eyre to read while I was waiting. It was lovely. I sat and read with my cup of coffee and my breakfast and felt for a minute like I was back in college, hanging out at the Waffle House. Good times.
When I was done with breakfast, I headed outside into a strange mix of sleety, snowy, haily goodness. It was the kind of weather where everyone kind of looks up and acknowledges that something different is happening outside and there is a tiny bit of palpable excitement in the air. I got on the bus headed for home, but on a whim I decided to stay on and go find the library instead. I had been carrying around directions to the library for a few weeks now and today just felt like the right time. So I went to the library, finally got a library card, picked out a few books and headed for home. When I came out of the library, the weather had cleared up and was actually sunny. A feeling of unadulterated satisfaction had been threatening to impose itself on me all day, and as I felt the sun on my face, I finally gave myself over to it and grinned as I walked to the bus stop.
I arrived home with plenty of time left to lay on the bed, pet the dogs, read more Jane Eyre and write this entry before I have to start being responsible again. What an awesome, awesome day.
I woke up this morning without any kind of clear plan. I definitely had things that had to get done today, like household responsibilities (laundry) and financial obligations (bill-paying), but other than that, the day was wide open. I decided to put off the drudgery and take myself out to breakfast. I took the bus to the Cup & Saucer, this little breakfasty place in my neighborhood that a friend introduced me to last week. I knew from my experiences at Burgerville that eating alone can be treacherous if you don't have something to actively do (besides the eating, of course), so I brought Jane Eyre to read while I was waiting. It was lovely. I sat and read with my cup of coffee and my breakfast and felt for a minute like I was back in college, hanging out at the Waffle House. Good times.
When I was done with breakfast, I headed outside into a strange mix of sleety, snowy, haily goodness. It was the kind of weather where everyone kind of looks up and acknowledges that something different is happening outside and there is a tiny bit of palpable excitement in the air. I got on the bus headed for home, but on a whim I decided to stay on and go find the library instead. I had been carrying around directions to the library for a few weeks now and today just felt like the right time. So I went to the library, finally got a library card, picked out a few books and headed for home. When I came out of the library, the weather had cleared up and was actually sunny. A feeling of unadulterated satisfaction had been threatening to impose itself on me all day, and as I felt the sun on my face, I finally gave myself over to it and grinned as I walked to the bus stop.
I arrived home with plenty of time left to lay on the bed, pet the dogs, read more Jane Eyre and write this entry before I have to start being responsible again. What an awesome, awesome day.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Happy Holidays!
Last night I made red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing (using this recipe) to bring to work today. I had meant to make them for last friday's dessert potluck, but Thursday night I was just so exhausted that I expertly rationalized that it would be better to wait until this week where they would be the only dessert and therefore appreciated more. I have to say that I think that strategy worked. Also, they turned out really well so I am thoroughly satisfied with my effort.
Christmas with my family went well, though it wasn't as fun as Thanksgiving. I'm not positive whether that was because there wasn't as much alcohol consumed or because five minutes into dinner my dad and I got into a debate about corporate versus private child care instead of our usual light conversation about movies or TV. Not that I mind a decent debate but it just didn't feel very Christmasy. Now that I think about it, last year didn't feel very Christmasy either, but I couldn't put my finger on why. Maybe you eventually just reach a certain age when all of the Christmas magic has disappeared for good. I wonder if 30 is that age. I hope not...what a bummer.
One positive side-effect of the recent Hollywood writers' strike is that I am watching a lot less TV than I used to. I'm also starting to look more critically at what shows I'm spending my time on and realizing that I don't have to watch anything if I don't want to. It's strange how easy it is to let TV take this central role in your life without even questioning it. No wonder parents sit their toddlers down in front of it so they don't have to pay attention to them. It's mesmerizing...you start to forget that there is actually a whole world out there that doesn't have a laugh track. You start to substitute TV shows about someone trying new experiences for doing those things yourself. It starts to be okay that you will never backpack around Europe because you can see what it would be like by watching The Amazing Race. It's okay that you will never stretch outside your comfort zone and grow as a person because you can watch other people do it on Beauty and the Geek. It's okay that you don't experiment in your own kitchen because Rachel Ray is happy to cook you something every night.
I'm not saying TV is inherently bad, any more than cupcakes are inherently bad. Just like cupcakes though, you can't live on a diet of TV alone. Unless you balance your life with TV and actual experiences, you're likely to walk around feeling dissatisfied most of the time.
So I'm glad that I'm starting to be free of that mentality.
Speaking of popular media, T and I watched the new, musical version of the movie Hairspray last night. I tried to go into it with an open mind, but it turned out that the new movie was even worse than I had feared. The original Hairspray has always been one of my favorite movies. It's a landmark to me, the first movie that introduced me to the idea that a person could be both fat and happy. In the original, Tracy was fat and didn't let it stop her from doing anything she wanted to. She was an incredible role model. But the problem I have with the new movie isn't really with Tracy herself, though she could stand to be a little bolder and less simpering. The problem I have is with Tracy's mother, Edna Turnblad. In the original, this character was fat, matter-of-fact, confident and sure of herself. It was easy to see where Tracy got her inner strength and fortitude from. In the remake, Edna is still fat, but now supposedly hasn't left the apartment in several years because she's so ashamed of her body, she's afraid of losing her husband to a skinnier woman, she apparently has a massive eating disorder, and she's all shy and mousy until the very last musical number.
There's a lot of "you're awesome, in spite of the fact that you're fat" regarding both Tracy and her mother in the new version. I'd much rather they take the original's stance of "you're awesome" and just leave it at that.
Another issue I have with the new version is what they did to Link's character. In the original, he is this confident, dreamy guy who is 100% in favor of integration and he loves Tracy and he never wavers. In the new version, Link is this whiny, self-involved pretty boy who is more concerned about his 'career' than civil rights or anything that's going on with Tracy. Highly uncool. It made me wonder why Tracy would even care about him at all.
On the whole, I was just disappointed that the writers took this movie with a theme of 'be happy with yourself and enjoy your life unapologetically no matter what your size' and made it into this lame piece of garbage that destroyed all of the fat-positivity of the original. What a waste.
In other news, I'm saving for a bike. If everything goes well, I should have enough in April to walk into a bike shop and get exactly what I need. I really want to get it soon so I can get used to riding in time to do some Pedalpalooza events this summer. I'm totally excited!
Christmas with my family went well, though it wasn't as fun as Thanksgiving. I'm not positive whether that was because there wasn't as much alcohol consumed or because five minutes into dinner my dad and I got into a debate about corporate versus private child care instead of our usual light conversation about movies or TV. Not that I mind a decent debate but it just didn't feel very Christmasy. Now that I think about it, last year didn't feel very Christmasy either, but I couldn't put my finger on why. Maybe you eventually just reach a certain age when all of the Christmas magic has disappeared for good. I wonder if 30 is that age. I hope not...what a bummer.
One positive side-effect of the recent Hollywood writers' strike is that I am watching a lot less TV than I used to. I'm also starting to look more critically at what shows I'm spending my time on and realizing that I don't have to watch anything if I don't want to. It's strange how easy it is to let TV take this central role in your life without even questioning it. No wonder parents sit their toddlers down in front of it so they don't have to pay attention to them. It's mesmerizing...you start to forget that there is actually a whole world out there that doesn't have a laugh track. You start to substitute TV shows about someone trying new experiences for doing those things yourself. It starts to be okay that you will never backpack around Europe because you can see what it would be like by watching The Amazing Race. It's okay that you will never stretch outside your comfort zone and grow as a person because you can watch other people do it on Beauty and the Geek. It's okay that you don't experiment in your own kitchen because Rachel Ray is happy to cook you something every night.
I'm not saying TV is inherently bad, any more than cupcakes are inherently bad. Just like cupcakes though, you can't live on a diet of TV alone. Unless you balance your life with TV and actual experiences, you're likely to walk around feeling dissatisfied most of the time.
So I'm glad that I'm starting to be free of that mentality.
Speaking of popular media, T and I watched the new, musical version of the movie Hairspray last night. I tried to go into it with an open mind, but it turned out that the new movie was even worse than I had feared. The original Hairspray has always been one of my favorite movies. It's a landmark to me, the first movie that introduced me to the idea that a person could be both fat and happy. In the original, Tracy was fat and didn't let it stop her from doing anything she wanted to. She was an incredible role model. But the problem I have with the new movie isn't really with Tracy herself, though she could stand to be a little bolder and less simpering. The problem I have is with Tracy's mother, Edna Turnblad. In the original, this character was fat, matter-of-fact, confident and sure of herself. It was easy to see where Tracy got her inner strength and fortitude from. In the remake, Edna is still fat, but now supposedly hasn't left the apartment in several years because she's so ashamed of her body, she's afraid of losing her husband to a skinnier woman, she apparently has a massive eating disorder, and she's all shy and mousy until the very last musical number.
There's a lot of "you're awesome, in spite of the fact that you're fat" regarding both Tracy and her mother in the new version. I'd much rather they take the original's stance of "you're awesome" and just leave it at that.
Another issue I have with the new version is what they did to Link's character. In the original, he is this confident, dreamy guy who is 100% in favor of integration and he loves Tracy and he never wavers. In the new version, Link is this whiny, self-involved pretty boy who is more concerned about his 'career' than civil rights or anything that's going on with Tracy. Highly uncool. It made me wonder why Tracy would even care about him at all.
On the whole, I was just disappointed that the writers took this movie with a theme of 'be happy with yourself and enjoy your life unapologetically no matter what your size' and made it into this lame piece of garbage that destroyed all of the fat-positivity of the original. What a waste.
In other news, I'm saving for a bike. If everything goes well, I should have enough in April to walk into a bike shop and get exactly what I need. I really want to get it soon so I can get used to riding in time to do some Pedalpalooza events this summer. I'm totally excited!
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