Well, (unnamed web-based document review tool) has reared its ugly head lately and I've been actually busy every day at work, which is why I haven't been writing. That and I kind of feel guilty that my focus has shifted so decisively away from exercise lately. It was bound to happen eventually. My interest in things has always been somewhat cyclical, with periods of intense focus followed by periods of no interest at all. It has taken me a long time to accept that about myself and I still have moments like I said earlier where I feel guilty about my shift in focus. So I guess I should work on giving myself a break about the whole exercise thing.
I've still been cooking for myself a lot, so that's a good thing. Usually it's just something simple, like a tofu and veggie stir fry over spaghetti, but the good part is that I've started to be less afraid of chicken parts. For the past several years I have had this irrational freakout response whenever I've encountered any kind of tendon or gristle or dark meat or blood vessels or anything in a piece of chicken that wasn't just meat. It's made cooking for me kind of a pain in the ass (just ask T, the resident chef) because the chicken has to be thoroughly screened. Even writing about it now I realize how ridiculous I was being about the whole thing. Very weird, the things we let ourselves get away with.
Still no word on the Sunday Art Mart, so it's probably not going to happen. I should probably keep working on new pieces just in case, because with my luck I'll get a call or a letter a week before the mart opens wanting me to jump in and start selling. I'm a little disappointed that it doesn't seem to be happening this year, but I'm relieved too. I was not relishing the idea of opening myself up to criticism from the general public.
In financial news, there is good and bad. I am still trying to figure a way out from under the whole foreclosure on the Atlanta house thing (if you don't already know this whole story, consider yourself lucky). It was looking for a little while like I would be stuck foreclosing, but the more I learn about judgments and liens the more I think I might be able to work something out.
The good financial news is that last week I asked my boss for a raise and I got it. It's funny...I was so incredibly nervous about the idea when I was psyching myself up to ask, but once I had done it, it was no big deal. Part of the issue is that when he asked me how much of a raise I was looking for, I kind of lowballed myself a little bit. I still got a pretty sizable bump though...bigger than I would have gotten in my yearly review. The thing is, the money is already spent just paying off my debts and trying to get the house straightened out, so it's not like I'm going to throw a party or go on a cruise or something now that I'm all super-rich. It will be nice to be able to pay off some of my bills a little faster, though.
That's all for now!
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
The truth I thought I wanted
Okay, so I haven't written since the marathon. I don't know exactly why...maybe the idea of running a marathon seemed like an easy decision when I was there and everyone was cheering, but once I got back to my life it seemed like this ridiculously insurmountable goal. So when I got back, all working out just kind of stopped. I mean, I was still doing core workouts now and then, but there was no walking, running, or swimming. I am pleased to say, however, that I have been keeping up with the cooking for myself instead of eating out thing, so these past few weeks haven't been a total loss. In the scheme of things, I have actually done quite well since I'm trying to change so many things at once and I managed to maintain some of the changes instead of abandoning them all.
We went to my parents house last night because they are dog-sitting for my brother's dog while he and his wife are out of town and they needed some help figuring out the gentle leader, a collar that makes it easier to walk dogs that pull when they're walking on a leash. Anyway, I'm really glad we went over there because my mom took some pictures of us out in the yard with the dog and let me just say it was a profound thing to see my whole self as I actually am in the world. I was shocked and, honestly, a little scared of how big I actually am compared to how big I am in my mind. It's really hard to look at myself in those photos and really take in the idea that that is how people see me every day. It frustrates the hell out of me that I look so different from how I think I look because I have so much further to go before I am able to let go of all of the extra fat and just be in my normal-sized body (it's in there somewhere, I just know it). But I guess the upside of seeing myself as I am is that it has given me the little push I needed to get back on the workout horse. I'm going to start up again tomorrow.
We went to my parents house last night because they are dog-sitting for my brother's dog while he and his wife are out of town and they needed some help figuring out the gentle leader, a collar that makes it easier to walk dogs that pull when they're walking on a leash. Anyway, I'm really glad we went over there because my mom took some pictures of us out in the yard with the dog and let me just say it was a profound thing to see my whole self as I actually am in the world. I was shocked and, honestly, a little scared of how big I actually am compared to how big I am in my mind. It's really hard to look at myself in those photos and really take in the idea that that is how people see me every day. It frustrates the hell out of me that I look so different from how I think I look because I have so much further to go before I am able to let go of all of the extra fat and just be in my normal-sized body (it's in there somewhere, I just know it). But I guess the upside of seeing myself as I am is that it has given me the little push I needed to get back on the workout horse. I'm going to start up again tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Honestly? It changed my life
Okay, so out of nowhere on Friday, I got an opportunity to go with my family to Vancouver, BC to watch my brother run the Vancouver marathon. They picked me up Saturday morning and we drove the 5+ hours up to Vancouver. This was my first time in Canada, so I was excited to finally see it. Turns out, Canada looks just like the US, at least the tiny corner I saw of it. I don’t know why, but for some reason I imagined Canada as some mystical magical fairyland where everyone is nice to everyone else all the time. Sad to realize that a lot of our unpleasant traits in the US are actually human traits and not just about being American. Back when Bush won a second time, I was seriously considering a move to Canada to get out of this ridiculous republican redneck-run country, but now that I’ve seen that it’s pretty much just like here, I’m really glad we moved to Portland instead.
The marathon was f-ing awesome! I woke up on Sunday, marathon day, around 7:40 AM. I went up to my parents’ hotel room on the 18th floor because there was a good view of Stanley Park from their balcony and you could see the line of runners winding their way around the park. It was fun to watch all of these tiny little people running their asses off in the distance. I was struck by an intense feeling of wanting to be out there with them, running, feeling the wind and the drizzling rain on my face. At that moment I knew, without a doubt, that I am going to run a marathon someday.
The marathon course ran right in front of the hotel, so we went down to the street for a little while to watch the half marathon walkers. It was going to be a while before any of the runners came through, so we went to have breakfast in the hotel restaurant. We got a table overlooking the street so we were able to watch the walkers and the first runners go by. After we finished breakfast, more runners were starting to come through so we went back down to the street to watch for Brian. It was incredible to see all of these different people from different lives come together for the sole purpose of running the marathon. Very inspiring.
Finally, we saw Brian. He looked a little tired (this was mile 11, after all), but was still raring to go. He ran on his way and we tried to figure out where the next good point for us to see him would be. My mom and I started walking towards mile 15 but got a call a little later from the rest of the group and adjusted our route towards mile 17 instead. We met up with everybody at mile 17 and waited again for Brian to pass. We were a little paranoid that we timed it wrong and may have missed him, so eventually we started walking back towards the hotel. Luckily, that direction was also against the flow of runners and we finally spotted Brian. He had slowed his pace a bit because his knee was bothering him, but he still seemed in pretty good spirits. He ran on and we walked back to the hotel.
We hung out at the hotel for about 20-30 minutes before grabbing a couple of cabs over to the BC Place stadium where the finish line was. Our cab had to let us off a few blocks from the stadium because the roads were closed for the marathon, so we walked the rest of the way. The finish line was so exciting because the crowds would call out people's names and cheer for them as they crossed into the finishing area (everyone's first name was printed on their race number). We picked a spot and waited for Brian again. Finally, he appeared! It was so emotional for me to see him cross the finish line…I was and am incredibly proud that he was able to accomplish what he did, especially after the scariness of the whole brain tumor thing. I still remember sitting in the hotel the night before his first surgery, not knowing what was going to happen or if he would ever be the same again. Now, seeing him run a freaking marathon and of course still being the same wiseass he has always been, I realized just how lucky we had all been that everything worked out so successfully.
So it was a fantastic day. All in all, we ended up walking 3.43 miles to meet Brian at different spots in the race…more distance than I would cover in any 5k, so I’m not so worried about that any more. And it was tough, and my feet hurt, but it didn’t kill me. And neither will the 5k…and neither will running a marathon of my own someday.
The marathon was f-ing awesome! I woke up on Sunday, marathon day, around 7:40 AM. I went up to my parents’ hotel room on the 18th floor because there was a good view of Stanley Park from their balcony and you could see the line of runners winding their way around the park. It was fun to watch all of these tiny little people running their asses off in the distance. I was struck by an intense feeling of wanting to be out there with them, running, feeling the wind and the drizzling rain on my face. At that moment I knew, without a doubt, that I am going to run a marathon someday.
The marathon course ran right in front of the hotel, so we went down to the street for a little while to watch the half marathon walkers. It was going to be a while before any of the runners came through, so we went to have breakfast in the hotel restaurant. We got a table overlooking the street so we were able to watch the walkers and the first runners go by. After we finished breakfast, more runners were starting to come through so we went back down to the street to watch for Brian. It was incredible to see all of these different people from different lives come together for the sole purpose of running the marathon. Very inspiring.
Finally, we saw Brian. He looked a little tired (this was mile 11, after all), but was still raring to go. He ran on his way and we tried to figure out where the next good point for us to see him would be. My mom and I started walking towards mile 15 but got a call a little later from the rest of the group and adjusted our route towards mile 17 instead. We met up with everybody at mile 17 and waited again for Brian to pass. We were a little paranoid that we timed it wrong and may have missed him, so eventually we started walking back towards the hotel. Luckily, that direction was also against the flow of runners and we finally spotted Brian. He had slowed his pace a bit because his knee was bothering him, but he still seemed in pretty good spirits. He ran on and we walked back to the hotel.
We hung out at the hotel for about 20-30 minutes before grabbing a couple of cabs over to the BC Place stadium where the finish line was. Our cab had to let us off a few blocks from the stadium because the roads were closed for the marathon, so we walked the rest of the way. The finish line was so exciting because the crowds would call out people's names and cheer for them as they crossed into the finishing area (everyone's first name was printed on their race number). We picked a spot and waited for Brian again. Finally, he appeared! It was so emotional for me to see him cross the finish line…I was and am incredibly proud that he was able to accomplish what he did, especially after the scariness of the whole brain tumor thing. I still remember sitting in the hotel the night before his first surgery, not knowing what was going to happen or if he would ever be the same again. Now, seeing him run a freaking marathon and of course still being the same wiseass he has always been, I realized just how lucky we had all been that everything worked out so successfully.
So it was a fantastic day. All in all, we ended up walking 3.43 miles to meet Brian at different spots in the race…more distance than I would cover in any 5k, so I’m not so worried about that any more. And it was tough, and my feet hurt, but it didn’t kill me. And neither will the 5k…and neither will running a marathon of my own someday.
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