In the doldrums..a little bit

I don't know why, but every time I think about changing jobs, I conveniently forget just what a drag the first couple of weeks of a new job can be. I don't know anybody, I don't know where anything is, I have to ask questions about EVERYTHING, and I can't be my usual jokey self because I might offend my new coworkers. On top of that, I'm working on the high school project team and school just started this week for one of the states we're working with so it has been ridiculously busy. Normally that wouldn't bother me too much but I just started and I don't know anything yet so every call includes the hassle of having to put a student on hold and find someone who can answer my questions. I know it's a learning process and I will eventually get up to speed, but I sure do miss that secure feeling that comes with having all the answers.
On top of that, it really really sucks to be the outsider. The only thing that got me through all those rough days at DE was joking around with my work friends. I really miss that a lot. Again, I know I will eventually find common ground with the new work folks and we'll have our inside jokes and work will be fun again, but right now my work life is so devoid of funny that it just makes me sad.
In food news, T and I have gone back to buying our own groceries and cooking for ourselves again. For a while we had kind of slipped into a situation where she would cook things and I would just eat them because they were convenient (and of course delicious), whether I really wanted them or not. Not great for the whole demand feeding thing, which, if you'll remember, is all about figuring out what your body is really craving and eating that instead of just eating crap because it's convenient. So this is definitely a good direction for me to go in. I still haven't figured out how to exercise without feeling indignant about it. I don't quite know what it's like to just go take a walk or go swimming because you just feel like doing it. Exercise has always been this loaded thing for me, something I should do or something my parents wanted me to do instead of something that was merely enjoyable. I have no idea how to just enjoy exercising rather than using it as some measure of whether I'm good or bad. I wish I could figure out that part of myself because I really miss feeling strong and able when I go about my day. Right now I just feel...blech all around. Hmmm...maybe I need a nap. :)