I had a supremely craptacular day yesterday. No real reason for it ('cept maybe mother nature) but I just had this grumpy, crabby feeling all day. It was one of those days where I found myself rolling my eyes and becoming irritated with my callers and I had absolutely zero patience. Even once I recognized that I was just in a foul mood, it was not easy to chug through a day when every little thing ticked me off. Luckily, when I finally got home it was a different story.
Living alone can suck ass sometimes, especially since I have these dogs and cats to look after and that kind of thing can take a lot out of a person. Also, nobody else is there to do the housework (or blame for the fact that the housework isn't getting done ;) and, most importantly, there's nobody to really talk to or to share experiences with. If the dogs or cats do something cute or funny, I'm the only one who will ever witness it. Likewise, if they make a mess or do something else frustrating, I'm the only one who has to care.
The cool part about living alone, though, is that...well...nobody else is there. This affords one a certain amount of personal freedom. I can do whatever I want and nobody is there to comment. I can wear my pajamas all day and no one is the wiser. I can sit in bed all day, watch movies, and eat hot fudge from the jar if I really want to. So last night, when I got home, I resolved to really take the time to appreciate the freedom of living alone. I didn't do anything all that special, though I did turn on some music while I was surfing the web and, being alone, experienced the freedom of being able to sing along at the top of my lungs with no one there to hear me. That was totally liberating. Singing to the radio has always been a great stress reliever for me, but since I don't have a car anymore, that hardly ever happens now. Anyway, it was fun :)
I'm only 45 days into the 365 days project on flickr and I have already learned something kind of great about beauty and self-image. First of all, I usually take several photos and choose the one I like the best. Most often it's the one that I find the most pleasing to my picky eyes, but sometimes I'll pick the most expressive or interesting one that maybe isn't the "prettiest". Anyway, the thing I realized is that virtually every picture of someone out there in the media is the absolute most perfect culled from probably dozens of other photos in the same series. Just as I comb through my photos for the one that appeals to me, so do photographers weed out photos that make their clients look less than perfect. I don't know, maybe that's the tinest, most obvious realization I could have, but it's got me thinking of the idea of attractiveness and beauty and how physical beauty is such a fleeting thing, captured for a split second with a photograph but then in the next shot the subject goes back to looking ordinary. How strange that we, as a society, hold in such high esteem a quality so transitory, so subjective as physical beauty.
Just some random crap that was on my mind. Also tossing around in there are camping, traveling to Paris, the music of Guster, where the F I'm going to live in June, my upcoming A+ exam, and what a struggle it is to override your defenses and really trust someone. Maybe some time I'll write about that stuff.
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