Nesting

(I'm moving at the end of the month into a bigger unit in my building)

Since Friday I have had a nagging thought in the back of my mind that the new unit isn't the right one, that I should hold out for a one bedroom instead of a double studio. Well today I saw on CL that a one bedroom is also opening up in my building on Nov 1 so I arranged with the manager to take a look. Let me tell you, I am so glad I did. I'm still going with the double studio, but at least now I *know* it is the right choice. It's a vastly superior unit to the one bedroom. There's surprisingly more storage space, the laundry area is larger, it's on the second floor so it gets so much more light during the day, and it faces the back of the building instead of Hawthorne so it'll be a lot quieter. On top of that, it's a hundred bucks a month cheaper than the 1br. Not a bad deal.

I'm excited about moving. This is no big surprise since I have always loved the feeling of reinvention that comes with moving to a new place, but I feel different about this move. For a while after I moved out of Theresa's house I was reeling, just trying to grab onto something relationshiplike, trying not to be too much of myself so I could more easily adapt to the people around me. I was reluctant to settle into my own space, to make it my own, for fear that the love of my life would come along and I would have to uproot everything. Well when I went on my trip I saw how much bullshit that was. Spending day after day alone in my car or in a tent, having to make my own decisions about what was going to happen next reminded me of what an empowering feeling that is and how much I don't ever want to give that up to anybody. So a natural extension of that is wanting to create my own space.

I'm planning on buying things, like brand new linens when my linens are perfectly serviceable. New dishes...maybe new cookware. I'm going to mull it over and over and pick out just the right things...things I love. And I'm not going to bring anything with me that I am not emotionally attached to or that doesn't serve a specific purpose. I'm going to pare down to the things I love and can't do without, and every time I use them I will remember the care that went into choosing them and will be glad to make space for them in my life. Everything else? Goodwill. Seriously.