Today was a great day for several reasons. First of all, I took my last final exam for the semester over my lunch hour, so I'm totally done with those classes. Secondly, I've been thinking for a little while about just transferring to PSU instead of finishing my associates and then transferring, and it turns out if I do that I can avoid taking public speaking AND the final semester of chemistry. So YAY! I actually don't have to take anything next semester at all, but I am going to finish out the year of Spanish, plus take another course that interests me so I can qualify for financial aid to pay for the Spanish. I'm thinking about maybe P.E.
So right now I don't have any school at all to worry about, which is very relaxing. I'm excited because this frees up some of my time and makes way for other things I want to do, like writing, going to the gym, and making a dent in that stack of books on my nightstand. I also need to take some time and wrap my mind around how I am going to provide meals for myself, since lately I have been hitting convenience foods pretty hard and that kind of thing doesn't make me feel good, physically or mentally.
Remember how last post I was talking about my trouble with too many options? I have done some more thinking about that and realized that the idea of making solid decisions is really scary for me. I think some of it is still fallout from the breakup, where I thought I had made the right decision and had some idea of where things were going and then they ended. Yes, I was the one who ended them, but I don't think at the time I had any idea of how much those events would rock me to the core and really change who I was. And maybe it's because I was the one who ended things and caused T (and myself) a whole lot of pain in the process that I'm reluctant to make any more decisions because deep down, I'm afraid of doing that again. I'm afraid of being so wrong it's painful.
But you can't go through life just waiting for circumstances to decide for you. That's nothing but a waste of free will.
1 comment:
Hi I'm a college student from Florida, I'm taking a final class my senior year where we have to see the world from someone else's point of view, someone we don't identify with. I was wondering if you'd be interested in letting me email you and ask you some questions, like an interview. I found your blog by typing in "blogs about being fat" into google. That is basically what my project is on, with everyone so consumed with dieting and that normal should be a size two, I wanted a different point of view. I'd like to do the interview through my blog, if that's ok.
Thank you for your time,
Julia
jsearowe@gmail.com
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