So I had planned to start my training regimen this morning, but last night T and I made the mistake of getting plastered and by the time we went to bed I was so tired and crappy-feeling that I just decided against it (I've been sick for almost two weeks now with some random cold/cough type thing that just will not go away). So anyway, tonight on my way home I noticed that the weather was kind of yucky and drizzly and I was thinking that maybe there wouldn't be a lot of people outside because of the weather, so I just did it! I got home, fed the dogs, threw on some old knit pants and a shirt and my sneakers and I just started walking. I felt pretty foolish for a little while because some of my neighbors were outside, but I soon realized that they didn't really give a shit that I was walking down the street, so I managed to get over myself. I walked to Columbia Park and then when I got to the park I started walking on the asphalt path that circles the park. I had been debating whether I was going to try to run at all or whether I would just walk and be happy with that. I came to a secluded bend in the path so I decided to give it a shot. I had no idea whatsoever what I was going to be able to do, so I just started really small by jogging 15 seconds and then walking until I was ready to jog again. I did 5 jogging intervals and walked the rest, and by the third time jogging I could really feel my body start to get into it and it felt just a little easier than the previous times. The fifth time, I was so exhilarated to be running that I didn't even wait until I was out of sight of everyone in the park, a very big step for me. Anyway, when I finished my circuit of the park I walked home. I had planned to walk/jog for at least 30 minutes and I was out there for 35 in total, so I definitely met that goal. I did my best to stretch afterwards but I'll know if I missed a spot tomorrow if something is sore.
I'm totally psyched that I finally got started. Yay!
Monday, April 9, 2007
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Goals
Okay, so my brother responded to me about yesterday's post and this morning I was feeling particularly inspired, so I did a search for European marathons because one of my goals is for us to run a marathon together. Anyway, one of the links that came up was www.marathonrookie.com which has a lot of good, inspirational info on it about training and running and I started to really think about the possibility of me...really running a marathon. Incredible, right? The more I read and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I needed to make some actual goals if I was ever going to get started. So guess what? I registered for this: http://www.terrapinevents.com/tabor_reg.htm
It's a 5k run/walk and it isn't until June, so I'm going to work up to running and walking that distance over the next several weeks. I think I should be able to run at least a little of it by June. There are a ton of other 5k and 10k events in the Portland area, so if I like this one I can sign up for more and work up to being able to run the whole thing! So it's not a bad goal, I think. Couch potato to 5k runner in 8 weeks? I think it can be done.
So here's the deal...I'm going to start getting up early and running a little in my neighborhood. It has to be early because I have to get back in time to get ready for work, but also because I don't want to worry about my neighbors staring at me. Not that they actually would or that they would care, but I get paranoid so I don't want to even have to think about someone else being out there and watching me run like a goober.
I went to the store yesterday and got some groceries for T and myself. We both made up our own lists of what we wanted, so we're trying to keep that separated so we both can deal with our own food issues ourselves. I finally got some good tea leaves and a strainer so I can make my own loose leaf tea at work, then I bought one of those clear polycarbonate water bottles. The idea was to brew a big bottle of tea and then drink it all day long, but alas...the tea strainer I bought doesn't fit in the damn bottle. I'll have to figure something else out...this morning I actually made the tea in a big bowl and then poured it into the bottle which worked okay but was kind of awkward. I am having this great green earl grey tea though, and I am enjoying it immensely. I f-ing love New Seasons for having the bulk tea. I got a little of three different kinds....I love the bulk tea because I don't have to commit a huge amount of money to buy a big canister of leaves before I know whether or not I will like the tea at all. This was actually one of the things I was so excited about moving to Portland for...the bulk tea! The other big one was that you don't have to pump your own gas ;)
That's all for now!
It's a 5k run/walk and it isn't until June, so I'm going to work up to running and walking that distance over the next several weeks. I think I should be able to run at least a little of it by June. There are a ton of other 5k and 10k events in the Portland area, so if I like this one I can sign up for more and work up to being able to run the whole thing! So it's not a bad goal, I think. Couch potato to 5k runner in 8 weeks? I think it can be done.
So here's the deal...I'm going to start getting up early and running a little in my neighborhood. It has to be early because I have to get back in time to get ready for work, but also because I don't want to worry about my neighbors staring at me. Not that they actually would or that they would care, but I get paranoid so I don't want to even have to think about someone else being out there and watching me run like a goober.
I went to the store yesterday and got some groceries for T and myself. We both made up our own lists of what we wanted, so we're trying to keep that separated so we both can deal with our own food issues ourselves. I finally got some good tea leaves and a strainer so I can make my own loose leaf tea at work, then I bought one of those clear polycarbonate water bottles. The idea was to brew a big bottle of tea and then drink it all day long, but alas...the tea strainer I bought doesn't fit in the damn bottle. I'll have to figure something else out...this morning I actually made the tea in a big bowl and then poured it into the bottle which worked okay but was kind of awkward. I am having this great green earl grey tea though, and I am enjoying it immensely. I f-ing love New Seasons for having the bulk tea. I got a little of three different kinds....I love the bulk tea because I don't have to commit a huge amount of money to buy a big canister of leaves before I know whether or not I will like the tea at all. This was actually one of the things I was so excited about moving to Portland for...the bulk tea! The other big one was that you don't have to pump your own gas ;)
That's all for now!
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Dieting and Self Respect?
Okay, so here's my dilemma. I'm done with the whole fat thing, right? So I'm ready to lose the weight, move forward, etc. The problem is, I've done a LOT of work over the past 10 years or so to deal with the fact that I'm fat and to accept myself as I am and be as happy as I can about it. So now that I'm done with the fat thing, how can I get rid of the fat without destroying my painstakingly-constructed fat-accepting shell? Is it actually possible to lose weight and change the way you eat and exercise without simultaneously destroying the value you found in the way you were? Plus a big part of the whole fat acceptance thing was the idea that "diets don't work", and I believe that pretty strongly, but I can't just eat crap either, right? If I've spent the last 10 years of my life scoffing at women who were buying into the whole "I should be smaller to be more attractive to men, so I'm bad if I eat this cookie" idea, how do I then turn around and join them without losing respect for myself?
This is doubly hard because T and I made a lot of this journey through fat acceptance together, and of course we live together and more often than not we buy food together and eat together. So I have a hard time not feeling scrutinized, just a little bit, if I start making food choices that are different from what I/we have chosen in the past. Say I decide to have a salad or something instead of a burger at Wendy's. Simultaneously it feels like I am rejecting her, rejecting myself, and buying into the pathetic anti-feminist smaller=better thing. Why does food have to be so political? It's hard enough for me to just figure out what I would like to eat without having to worry about what implications it will have or what it will make someone think of me or how eating it will affect my body size. Life would be so much simpler if we were all just taking food pills for nourishment and it wasn't this big complicated mess.
Exercise is an issue too...it's a little easier to maintain the idea that I'm exercising to be stronger and run marathons and do more fun stuff, but the people at the gym still look at me like I'm the special olympics kid who just crossed the finish line. I can hear them saying "good for you!" in their heads. I hate that shit. That's why it's so tough to go to the gym...it's not about the actual working out, it's about the other people there. Though I know that the majority of my issues with the other people at the gym and, frankly, about other people's opinions of what I eat, are probably just in my head. Most of the people at the gym probably don't give a shit about what the big fat girl is doing on the treadmill, right? And most people are too busy with their own lunches to worry about what I'm eating, I'm sure. I just wish I could control the voices in my head that are paranoid about that shit.
This is doubly hard because T and I made a lot of this journey through fat acceptance together, and of course we live together and more often than not we buy food together and eat together. So I have a hard time not feeling scrutinized, just a little bit, if I start making food choices that are different from what I/we have chosen in the past. Say I decide to have a salad or something instead of a burger at Wendy's. Simultaneously it feels like I am rejecting her, rejecting myself, and buying into the pathetic anti-feminist smaller=better thing. Why does food have to be so political? It's hard enough for me to just figure out what I would like to eat without having to worry about what implications it will have or what it will make someone think of me or how eating it will affect my body size. Life would be so much simpler if we were all just taking food pills for nourishment and it wasn't this big complicated mess.
Exercise is an issue too...it's a little easier to maintain the idea that I'm exercising to be stronger and run marathons and do more fun stuff, but the people at the gym still look at me like I'm the special olympics kid who just crossed the finish line. I can hear them saying "good for you!" in their heads. I hate that shit. That's why it's so tough to go to the gym...it's not about the actual working out, it's about the other people there. Though I know that the majority of my issues with the other people at the gym and, frankly, about other people's opinions of what I eat, are probably just in my head. Most of the people at the gym probably don't give a shit about what the big fat girl is doing on the treadmill, right? And most people are too busy with their own lunches to worry about what I'm eating, I'm sure. I just wish I could control the voices in my head that are paranoid about that shit.
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