Okay, so one of the things I've been frustrated about is that I couldn't really track my progress, body size-wise, because I don't have a scale and my clothes are all pretty much stretchy so it's hard to tell if they are fitting looser. So anyway, I ordered a scale from Amazon a few days ago and it was delivered today. I haven't weighed myself in years, in fact the last time I owned a scale was when I was on the South Beach diet several years ago in Lawrenceville. But still, I thought I had some idea of how heavy I was, just remembering how much I weighed before South Beach and thinking I couldn't possibly ever be heavier than that.
Anyway, I was wrong. Super-wrong. I weigh so incredibly much right now, that the scale I bought won't even weigh me. I'm at least a good 50 pounds heavier than I was when I started South Beach, and this is after I have lost some weight (i'm pretty sure) with the walking and the cooking for myself and everything. I am stunned and frustrated and sad and scared all at once. How is it remotely possible that I weigh this much? How is it possible that I continue living my life and am ambulatory and not bedridden and don't need a crane to get out of my house? How can I even be considering running a marathon or doing anything else physical, for that matter?
And then I take a deep breath and remember that I am the exact same size I was five minutes ago, before I knew the number on the scale. I am just as capable of doing anything I set out to do before I knew I weighed this much. This number doesn't decide my life for me.
All it means is that the newspaper article they do on me when I finally run my marathon ("Former fatty runs her ass off!") will be that much more impressive. I can't wait to take the picture where I hold up the big pants.
Time to get started...
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