We had our halloween potluck today for work. I didn't bring ANYTHING...and I have to say, I enjoyed this potluck more than probably any of the others I have ever been a part of. I feel slightly selfish partaking of something I didn't participate in, but it's also a great relief to just enjoy this great food my coworkers prepared without worrying if my contribution is good enough, if anyone is eating it, and if everyone likes it. Anyway, I probably won't make a habit of not bringing food for potlucks (I mean, let's not get too crazy here!), but it's a nice break to just enjoy and not stress for a change.
Had a meeting with my boss's boss yesterday. It was one we had scheduled several months ago when I was making the decision about whether to take the job with my old employer or not, and at that time I had been under the impression that this meeting would be my opening to ask for a raise and a title change. So I did, and my boss said no. Of course he cited the economy as a factor which is something I technically can't argue with, but it bugs me that the hard work I did during the beginning of the school year isn't being recognized in some way. I got really mad about it for a little while and fussed to a work friend about how I was going to leave the company, but for whatever reason (maybe it's being all old now, maybe it's all this Buddhism stuff) my mini-tantrum was over just minutes after it began. I occurred to me that I could freak out about it or I could just chill and deal and it would have the same effect on my current situation. I was talking to Tim about it later and I realized that in past years I've really felt like my job defined me and that getting a raise or promotion would somehow mean that I was a better person. It's only been recently, when I've been trying to figure out who I really am, that I've been able to let go of that external definition of my worth and not worry so much about work stuff. Kind of awesome, if you think about it.
On an unrelated note, I've been thinking about makeup a little lately. One of my favorite fat acceptance bloggers started this side blog called Don't Be a Makeup Chicken and it is making me want to experiment more with that kind of thing. I don't really wear makeup much except for some neutral lipstick from time to time, and this blog has really made me think about why that is. Part of it is that I don't really spend much time fussing over myself anyway. I usually roll out of bed, throw some clothes on, put my hair in a ponytail or something, and go to work. Another part is that I am afraid to call too much attention to myself. But that's BS, right? I don't want to do or not do something just because I'm afraid to be noticed. And it might be good for me to take a little more time for myself in the morning instead of rushing about and always being late. I'm going to have to think about these things more, I think, but it's entirely possible that there might be purple eyeshadow in my future. Stay tuned.
Love,
Carrie
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