Don't blame the fat

Thankfully, yes, I do feel better today. From the responses I got from folks I am guessing that it's true that all single people feel this frustration at one time or another, no matter what size they are. Okay. I will stop blaming my troubles on the fat.

I met a new friend of T's yesterday who is (or seems, you know) entirely fearless around men and it was so good for me to spend time with her because it opened my eyes to how exactly I am contributing to my isolated state. Generally if I'm out in public, I try my hardest to just not make a fuss and be as unobtrusive as possible. I guess it's a defense thing. But the result of that is usually that (surprise) nobody pays any attention to me and I feel pretty invisible, which is a feeling I really really hate. Anyway, last night she and T and I were at a bar playing in a poker tournament and after she and I had busted out of the tournament, we sat at the bar together and I had a chance to observe. She just up and talked to everybody, asked people their names, made conversation...it was kind of incredible to see. At one point she went outside and even I, bolstered by her demonstration, got up the courage to start a conversation with a man a couple of stools away from me. Nothing epic, we talked about scotch and tv shows and random stuff, but it was really good for me to start a conversation and have someone be receptive. I started to realize that maybe I don't have to make myself as small and quiet and not there as possible to get along in the world. Maybe I can have a presence and still be okay. Good food for thought.