Glowing...just a little bit :)

I woke up early this morning and couldn't get back to sleep so after checking my email and making the usual internet rounds, I found myself looking back through my flickr photostream. I've been posting photos on flickr since sometime in February and those of you who have read that far back know that Feb to now has been a pretty significant section of my life, what with the moving out, the doomed fledgling new hetero experimentation, the dealing with living on my own, etc. I've been doing the 365 days project since about Feb and as I went back I could tell which photos I was totally miserable in, which ones it was all I could do to smile or attempt to look like I didn't feel like the world was swallowing me whole. The thing I like the most about looking at the photos is that it reminds me that I don't feel that way anymore. Yes, this is still hard and yes, I still have a lot of personal growth to do (who doesn't?), but lately I feel like I have the tiniest bit of traction in a positive direction and I may even emerge from this maelstrom a wiser, more fully formed person instead of just a quivering, terrified mess.

I volunteered with the Washington County Bicycle Transportation Coalition yesterday, monitoring the bike parking at the Oregon Brewer's Fest. It was actually a lot of fun and I'm very glad I went. There sure are a lot of bike-riding, beer-loving folks in Portland. The volunteering wasn't all that taxing, I just had to tell each new cyclist how the system works (like a coat check, you tape one ticket to your bike and tear off the other part to claim your bike later) and show them where to park their bike. Piece of cake! I got a free mug and a dozen tokens to use at the brewfest for volunteering, but by the time I was done with my shift I was too tired and hot to enjoy it. I'll probably just keep the mug as a souvenir and use the tokens next year.

Oh also? I actually managed to remember to bring sunscreen and apply it every couple of hours, and I DIDN'T GET A SUNBURN, if you can believe it. It's true. Not even on my nose :)

Last night I went to another party full of folks I don't know (this is becoming a regular thing for me, apparently). Actually, I had met a few of them at the dance party a few weeks ago, but it was still pretty terrifying to just walk into a party I had only been peripherally invited to and pretend I totally belonged there. Beer helped. There was a little dancing but not nearly as much as the last one. I had a great time though...good people.

This afternoon I am going on a brunch cruise down the Willamette for my mom's birthday (see photos). I'm planning to wear a dress, which is very unlike me, but lately I've been trying to break out of my fashion box a little and try new things. It recently occurred to me that I totally dress to blend in as much as possible and I have some really rigid ideas about which shirt can go with which pants and which earrings I am allowed to wear and that all the colors of everything have to be complementary in some way. I bought a bunch of new clothes from the Roaman's catalog a few weeks ago, things that I would have skipped right over in the past. I loved nearly every single thing I tried on and it was a real eye-opener for me. Perhaps it's okay if my shirt has a pattern on it. Perhaps the world won't end if I wear a larger than usual hair accessory or pair of earrings. Perhaps I can actually stand out a little and not be so afraid of making an impression. Interesting ideas...and they'll take some getting used to, but right now I am loving the process.

xo