Level 3

Today's run was definitely different. It was, as I thought, more difficult to get my ass out the door to run than it has been any other time. T was a huge help though, because she got my running clothes together so I could just come in the door and throw everything on and start walking before I could think of a reason not to. It was a little rough getting myself out the door though, because I had planned to wear my new shorts that I got from the fat girl sports clothing warehouse (www.junonia.com), but when I tried them on, they didn't quite fit. It was so frustrating because they are these awesome double-layered shorts with spandex as the under-layer and nylon as the top layer and they're stitched together at the leg so they won't ride up. Basically a fat runner's dream. Anyway, I was so bummed and frustrated that I started thinking to myself , "maybe I'm just too fat to do this...maybe I should give up". Luckily, T was there to set me straight and remind me that, fat or not, I had already gone out running twice, so I might as well get out there and go do it again. So I did.

Another reason today's run was different was that it wasn't raining. It was actually kind of perfect weather to get outside and go to the park, and plenty of people in the neighborhood had done just that, so there were many more people to deal with this time. It kind of felt like I've been running inside a video game and today I advanced to level three, where you not only have to deal with your own physicality, now you have to deal with the possible judgment of the people around you. It was interesting, and for the most part, people just ignored me. One woman walking her dog said hello, one coed group of twentysomethings said something mildly insulting to me and laughed about it (I didn't quite catch what they said), and two guys in a car catcalled at me as I was on my way home (I like to think it was because I looked so good in my running outfit :). When I told T about the twentysomethings, she started to get upset for me, but I realized at that moment that it really hadn't bothered me when they said whatever they said, because I was f-ing RUNNING. Screw 'em. I had nothing to be ashamed of at that moment...I was in the middle of accomplishing my goal.

Anyway, the nitty gritty: I did 30-second jogging segments today, and I tried to only give myself 2 minutes of recovery walking segments in between, so I got some good running in. And all this with people around, so I'm proud of that. I still have the issue with my shoulders tensing up, so I'm still working on that, plus my right achilles tendon has started to bother me a bit so I am going to maybe get a brace for it or tape it up or something before I go again. It's not a horrible pain or anything, just a little tightness. Maybe I just need to do some extra stretching and warming up on that ankle before I start running next time.

I've been thinking about the upcoming 5k and getting a little nervous because I do NOT want to be the last one to finish. I looked on the website for the race and the last finishers in 2006 had a time of just over an hour. So I have to get to the point where I can run/walk 5k in under an hour. It's not an insurmountable goal, but right now it's taking me about half an hour to do a little over a mile (I measured my approximate route on www.favoriteruns.com), so I definitely have my work cut out for me. As it gets closer to race time I am going to do several practice 3 mile run/walks, so hopefully I will be able to know ahead of time if I'm going to make my goal. And frankly, if I'm last, I'm last. I just hope it doesn't take me like twice as long as everyone else or something. I really don't want that kind of attention on me.

That's all for now. I'm thinking of reopening this blog and making it public. The more I think about it, the more I realize I have nothing at all to hide. And just maybe, one day some other fat girl will be thinking about running and wondering if she can really do it and will be reassured by the crap I went through. You never know...:)